


Run Away

by RainyAerii



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bullying, Coming Out, Confessions, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Inspired by Music, Librarian! Minghao, M/M, Minor Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Slow Burn, Tearjerker, Wonwoo and Soonyoung are good friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28593084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainyAerii/pseuds/RainyAerii
Summary: Jun lives a perfect life: Nice parents, amazing friends, pretty girlfriend, he has eveything. Unfortunately, he hides a secret about himself that he can't possibly share with anyone. To distract himself, he starts visiting the library and escapes reality through fiction. This decision led him to meet the calm yet intriguing first year, Minghao.Soon enough, he would have to acknowledge the feelings building up from every meeting and whether or not to confess, or forever keep it a secret.
Relationships: Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 9
Kudos: 33





	1. Summer Melancholy

Holidays were way too short. It felt hotter than summer, not to mention the first day of school after break. Jun didn’t want to open his eyes just to feel sun rays on his skin, to get dressed for school and immediately listen to the latest rumours spread by annoying no-lives. And yet here he was, eating porridge made with love by his mom and his brother watching him sigh every 10 minutes. His stomach churned. Eating is usually something he looks forward to, but today he’s not exactly feeling like it. However, Jun still attempted to stomach it all no matter how much he wants to puke.

What he probably needs is a peaceful mind, unbothered with whatever’s running through his head. He’s not the type of person to meditate, but maybe it’s essential to calm his nervous heart. Perhaps he can enjoy the cool morning air as he walked to school, bag in tow. Jun remembered every detail of his whole neighbourhood: corners, shops, house, he knew the area extremely well. Students started filling the path to Hyaggo High, chatting and asking how their holidays went. Everyone looked happy, smiling cheerfully while some even skipped. He wants to be invisible to them. Walking in silence with no disturbance, he continues. Until someone called out to him.

Wen Junhui, tall handsome Wen Junhui. That’s the image he carries on at school. Talented and hot as hell, girls fawned over him sickeningly while boys treated him as an equal. His bright smile is also a prominent trait of Jun, the dimples forming cutely when he laughs. It’s a label anyone would’ve wanted for the sake of an easy high school life. But not for Wen Junhui, there’s something else bothering him deep down. A matter that seems small but can easily choke him, control him in a hurtful manner. Where does it stem? Everywhere.

“Jun, good to see you! How’s the holidays?” he turned to be greeted by an acquaintance. Jun knew most of the people in school. Due to his popularity, a lot of students wanted to be associated with the teen. This person trying to chat with him are just one of those. However, he still responded amicably. “Not much, just helped out my mom and all.”

They continued while heading to school. The path widened until a white building could be seen near the horizon. He’s quite excited to see his best friends, Wonwoo and Soonyoung. They were the ones always there behind him, to support him when things get rough. They’re probably the only one Jun trusts personally. Slowly, his energy is replenished. ‘Maybe today won’t be that bad’, he thinks positively.

It would’ve been perfect if not for one tiny thing.

“Hey Jun! How are things with Ami?”

Ami, he almost forgot about her. An odd feeling starts to build when she’s mentioned. And not the giddy, fluttering feeling he and others expected to have, it’s more bitter. A black fountain spring from his heart. They became a couple just before holidays started, with Ami being the one who confessed. He doesn’t reciprocate. Until this day, he still couldn’t understand _why_ he accepted. He wasn’t even sure what couples do after establishing a relationship. No texts were sent during to each other during holidays, no hello’s, good night’s, nothing. And he’s simply fine with that.

“Dude, you alright? You’re staring off.” Jun didn’t realize a word hasn’t come out since that question popped out.

“Yup, I’m fine- we are doing just fine.” There he goes, lying again and fooling himself. It’s a mantra repeated in his head, something supposedly to keep him afloat. Keeping his guard from shattering in pieces.

Jun has everything he needs.

Kind parents, loyal friends and a girlfriend. He’s popular, easy going, and is as bright as a sun. All these people in his life, they’re not seeing the actual Wen Junhui. For if they did, the illusion will fall apart. They’ll be disgusted, mock him, and he’ll be hated.

There’s a voice always reminding him who Jun is.

Gay.

Immediately there was an assembly upon arrival. Students were ushered to the hall, where the principal gave their usual long, boring speech. It was a huge blessing from heaven when it was over. Right as he entered class, his classmates immediately swarm him and asked questions in a rapid manner. It’s a normal thing he’d experience occasionally, and socializing is fun to do. He answers them patiently while waiting for homeroom to start.

Classes went on as usual. He’s glad to be able to put some effort in studying during the holidays, seeing it pay off with his fulfilling notes for each subject. Once the teacher comes in, just like a hidden order given Jun and his classmates focus on the task at hand. Jun liked the peacefulness of his class, even though he’s the most talkative person to exist. Only sounds of writing or stationeries being used were emitted, followed with hushed voices that aren’t too loud. However, when the teacher left, chaos would reign. It was mostly boys that’ll go wild and loud when given the opportunity, the delinquents. He’s at least glad Wonwoo, his best friend and seatmate isn’t like them, well behaved and ten times more silent. Others would most likely be confused with their friendship, they were opposites like fire and ice. Wonwoo tends to be more aloof, antisocial than the Chinese teen. However, the trust they had in each other since their first year together is unmoving and holding on strongly.

The bell rang, signalling the students and teachers to have their breaks. As the two friends walked together while catching up another student came, small eyed with a big goofy grin.

Kwon Soonyoung joined their friend circle after a certain incident. It somehow brought them together, to how they are today. Soonyoung is almost like a breed of his own: loud, positive and filled with infinite energy. When dancing comes into topic though, he shines as brightly as a star with every fluid movements made. It’s that side of him that surprises Jun, the determination overflowing, probably spilling and spreading onto others. The three hung out during recess due to Soonyoung being in a separate class from Jun and Wonwoo.

“Mr. Lee is nice and all, but he gets too emotional sometimes. He gets teary-eyed a lot for the smallest things!”, Soonyoung was telling them about their class’ new homeroom teacher. His hand was waving everywhere during the story, Wonwoo had to shield his food from any incoming attacks.

While he continued to talk, Jun’s eyes wandered off to their left, noticing a tall student standing still unmoving. Amidst the rows of tables in the cafeteria, he stood out like a beanpole. From where the student was standing, it appeared that he’s staring at someone from their table, specifically Wonwoo. Does he know him?

“Won,” he called his friend to get his attention, “someone’s staring at you over there.” Jun pointed to let him know which.

“I know that kid, seen him before in the courtyard.” Wonwoo explained before nonchalantly getting back to eating. He continued, “That day, he bumped into me and I fell on my back. He wouldn’t stop apologizing after that.” Jun could probably tell the student was most likely afraid of him thanks to the cold glare.

“Think he’s into you?” his heart stopped for a second. Soonyoung didn’t ask in a disgusted way of course, it was more ambiguous. It still made Jun feel cautious and uncomfortable.

“Nah, he’s probably here to apologize again.” That was the end of their conversation and continued to eat in peace. After the whole ordeal, Jun and Wonwoo headed back to class for Chemistry after saying goodbye to Soonyoung.


	2. Behind the Counter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jun decides to visit the library and meets a foreign student with a big passion for reading.

Chemistry class smoothly started upon the teacher’s arrival. Everyone seemed to do the experiment fine with no problems. Well, except for Junhui. It wasn’t that he can’t do it perfectly, in fact completing the assignment earlier with ease. But sitting still for 1 hour is nigh impossible for him. Jun first tapped on the table to the tune of a song. He attempted to focus on the teacher’s lecture, but it was tough to focus as he already understands this topic from his nightly studies. His fingers were clicking the pen repetitively, following the ticking sound from the clock.

“Stop that. It’s annoying.” Wonwoo grabbed the pen away from Junhui. He pouted childishly with his distraction taken away by his best friend. “Pay attention. I get that you’re smart and all but that doesn’t mean you can slack off in class.”

“But we’re already done with the experiment! And there’s another hour left until school’s over, how am I supposed to stay patient?” He complained back. Wonwoo simply gave a look and went back to listening. Jun looked around everywhere in the class for a new plaything. Instead, he noticed a book kept deep under Wonwoo’s desk.

“Hey, did you buy a new book?” he reached out to grab the novel from there. It was quite thick, the cover hard and sturdy. Junhui knows his best friend well. He’s a bookworm, sticking his head mostly in the world of fiction. Wherever Wonwoo goes, a book shall accompany him like a good luck charm.

“No. I had it for quite a long time now, just didn’t have time to finish reading.” He replied, simple and brief. It’s most likely a nice read, considering Wonwoo’s taste. His bookmark showed that he’s already halfway through the novel.

Jun wasn’t the type to read as your typical phone-addicted teen. He needed something to relax or distract his brain from the constant anxiety, hence his sudden interest. Wonwoo is someone he really looks up to in terms of maturity. Maybe it was all the knowledge and wisdom contained in his head that makes him Jun’s best friend.

“Hey, can I borrow some of your novels-,”

“No.” ‘ _Damn, that hurts_ ’ Jun felt an imaginary pain in his chest. He whined back, “C’mon, why not? I always lend you my notes.”

This time, Wonwoo’s cold eyes switched to a fiery glare, though he knew it’s not that bad.

“The last time I let you borrow one, remember what happened?” Oh, _that_ incident. A year ago, it was when they got closer. He borrowed a literary book for fun and the day he was supposed to return it, the pages were cockled badly. Throughout the entire day Wonwoo had to suffer even more with Jun’s constant apologies and ramblings of how the book got wet.

“I’m really sorry ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED!”, Jun cried out while shaking his friend’s shoulder violently. It earned him a slap on his arm with another glare. Ouch.

Wonwoo sighed at his friend’s childishness, “Look, why not go to a library or bookstore? You can read as many books as you want, free of charge. Hell, every school has a library, even ours.”

‘ _The library? Oh, wait..._ ’ The library, of bloody course. Jun remembered during the orientation tour last year that indeed, Hyaggo High has a library. However, they didn’t have time to explore inside due to the limited time given. After all this time learning here, he had never set foot on the library.

“I forgot we have a library.” He blurted out. Wonwoo responded by rolling his eyes.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

It rang throughout the whole school, signalling students to greet their teacher and leave class. Out of the three friends, Soonyoung actively participated in after school activities as president for his club. Despite club meetings only held twice a week, he stays back almost every day to dance.

As for himself, Jun did join the Debate Club for some time. He was approached by a member to try it and somehow unleashed his hidden talent in debating. It went on for a while until they were told to disband by the principal. The reason? Lack of members (Come on, six is simply fine!) and the loss of their golden age. Debate used to be an elite thing in their school until their final ace left.

“Are you going to the clubroom?”, Wonwoo asked him. It became a non-linear routine for them to watch Soonyoung dance. Sometimes, Jun would join in for fun. Even rarer times, Wonwoo joined, although depending on the mood.

“Sorry man, I’m heading to the library today, Tell Soonyoung maybe next time.” Despite it being his original intention, he needed a distraction quick. He felt as if the longer he allows his mind to wander aimlessly, the harder it is to swallow and control all his feelings deep down. Besides, his curiosity had been begging him to check out the library he almost forgot existed.

After they went separate ways, he attempted to navigate on his own. ‘It shouldn’t be too hard...’ Jun told himself repeatedly like a mantra.

Spoilers: he was wrong.

Even though it has been two years since he came to the school, no memory of the library appeared in his mind. Luckily though, most students were willing enough to help show Jun directions. He gave them a shy smile whenever he had to ask. The endless corridors made him spin on his feet, turning too many times that he lost count.

Victory and relief silently emerged upon spotting a brown sign near the door. Jun slowly entered, unsure whether if the facility was still open. A counter was on his right with who he presumed to be a librarian behind it, too absorbed in whatever work she was doing. Jun slipped between the shelves to browse through. In others’ eyes, he probably looked like a lost curious child, taking in the world with bright eyes.

He wasn’t even sure if books and reading will help him move forward to the present, undistracted by his past. If there’s anything he’s much afraid of, it’s the truth. The truth behind Jun’s pleasant smile and happy-go-lucky personality. The cleared fog that’ll leave him too visible for others to see through. Yes, it hurts to hide from everyone daily, but what else can the poor boy do? His heart and mind knew clearly what he wants.

‘It’s better to be safe than sorry, Jun. Better to lie than be hurt by them.’

The choices of books were admittedly good, in Jun’s taste. He first went through the literature section, scanning like a robot for eye-catching reads. While he’s not one to judge a book by its cover, this specific choice gave an emotional feel based off the cover. It almost looked like a painting: blue waves with a mixture of hot colours for an effect. It was very much effective to Jun.

He settled himself on the floor, back leaning against the wall in a comfortable position. After inspecting the cover and synopsis once more, he started focusing on the story.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Time flew faster as he got more into the story. The first chapter briefly introduce the main character and his hometown somewhere in Canada. It all started simple until a few more chapters pass by. Jun eagerly read as each paragraph filled his head with more questions. ‘Where were the boy’s parents?’ or ‘Why is this kid so mysterious?’ were asked as he wondered. Before he knew it, school was closing in 10 minutes. He quickly got up and rushed to the counter.

It would’ve been a waste to read so much into the book and stop, he may never find this masterpiece again in his next visit. Although Jun has never borrowed a book ever during his time in school, it might be worth a try. He’s already in front of the counter, until he noticed a difference.

There’s a new face in front of him, someone entirely different from who he saw at the start. The stranger was lean, thin, handsome even. His face and skin smooth, free of impurities. He has a certain grace when moving around the small area, slender fingers worked to write and flip through pages of books quickly. At first, a strict aura was enforced with how diligently the librarian seemed to be, making Jun hesitate a little. However, borrowing the book is also his top priority. Jun took a deep breath and approached him.

“Um, excuse me,” he paused, “Can I borrow this book, please?”

It wasn’t like him to be nervous and hesitant, especially with someone near his age. A part of him worried if it was too late and that he’s wasting the guy’s time. Jun lowered his head, anticipating their response.

“Of course.” Instead, a gentle voice of agreement came out from those soft lips. He saw the librarian smile, “Just, hold on a minute.” 

He turned away to search for something on the computer, back now facing Jun. After a few minutes of typing, a form was given to him alongside a pen.

“Please fill in this.”, Junhui nodded. Most of the blank spaces were general info. Full name, class, time... Just as he finished, so did the librarian. He took the paper, hummed in satisfaction with the neatly filled paper. Awkwardly, Jun could only watch and wait for him to finish back typing once again.

Nerves aside, it was interesting to watch the work process of a librarian right in front of his own eyes. Throughout the time Jun waited, his composure and grace were pleasuring to watch, intently focused with a serene mind. A few times, he stopped to inspect the book, possibly for filling in the computer, and simply picked up where he left off. Curiosity began to enter his mind. The longer it lingered on, he wondered just how mysterious yet alluring this person is to Jun.

He was shaken out of his thoughts when the librarian moved away from the computer, grabbing a stamp from under. His face is now visible. That face was no doubt handsome: his eyes shone like jewels, intently searching for the object. His hair flowed fairly; a strand gently fell on his face.

Jun’s heart skipped a beat.

A gasp escaped from his lips, the librarian’s. ‘That was weird...’. Just before he wondered about the reaction, a bright, beagle-like smile emerged from the stoic face.

“This is my first time seeing anyone borrow this book! People really should not judge a book by its cover, this story is just too good. The first-person view, the pacing, the important plot events, everything was amazing! When the boy fell on his knees from shock, my heart _shattered_...”. Okay, this was surprising and extremely shocking. So, this handsome librarian who he first thought as a silent, brooding type is gushing like a fan boy about a book? He really was right, never judge a book by his cover.

Nevertheless, it was an adorable sight. He was practically on his toes, a rush of energy boosted him to talk and talk. It continued for a while until he had to take a breath. The librarian stopped ranting, clearly processing what he had just done in a millisecond. In an instant red flushed his ears and cheeks.

“A- ah, sorry. Forget what I said um, it’s not important...” He’s now a stuttering mess, trying to finish stamping the book before embarrassment took over. The impression fell apart so quickly. He even seemed smaller than when he first saw him.

Jun couldn’t help it but let out an orotund laugh. “It’s fine, I could use a good read” He smiled to the librarian, “I’m not much of a reader so maybe a suggestion or more can help?” 

The atmosphere became lighter even after another librarian shushed the two teenagers for being loud. After being scolded, they glanced at each other. Jun couldn’t help but still snickered at the recent sight.

The librarian stamped the due date paper. Something with the way he eyed the paper changed before asking. “Your name is Wen Junhui, right?”

“Yup, the one and only in this school.” He grinned at the proud claim.

Jun didn’t think that after the guy embarrassed himself, he once again shocked him when he spoke a familiar language **.**

“You can understand me, right? Or I’m just confusing you more.” 

His eyes widened in shock, before eagerly asking him. “You’re Chinese too?? Where are you from? I lived in Shenzhen!”

He giggled from the enthusiastic Jun. “Yeah, my name’s Minghao. I was born in Anshan.”

Minghao, what a beautiful name. “My name is Junhui, though you already knew that. I’m from class 2-A.”

“Huh, I guess that makes you my senior then.”

Minghao gave the book to him, hands slightly brushing as he took it back. The library was already devoid of other students save those two and a few other librarians. It was already late enough. He had to get home quickly.

“Hey, thanks for the book. I’ll see you around?”

“Yeah. Have fun reading, Junhui-ge!” They exchanged glances and smiles as Jun walked away exiting the library, book in hand. He’s honestly surprised at how the first day of school ended. Despite starting out unenthusiastic and a little anxious, everything turned out fine. Wonwoo and Soonyoung are there for him, meeting Minghao at the library, and the book-

The book. He stopped dead on the sidewalk. Cars passed by while he was standing there alone. Jun enjoyed the time he had today, almost forgetting the true purpose of his visit. It’s cruel, he admits. This isn’t some fairy-tale where everyone is nice and happy and accepting. Reality is often disappointing. Jun had imagined the scenarios over and over: what if he were to come out? No, he can’t do it. His family won’t accept him, his friends will be disgusted, society will shun him, all because he’s himself. 

Ami, he lied about feeling the same way as her, just to avoid suspicion. If anything, it just ended up hurting more. Questions were always asked about their ‘relationship’ and while Ami's answers were more delightful, Jun couldn’t bring himself to respond.

‘This is the only way, you know that.’

He began walking back home before it gets dark.


	3. Hope Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jun finishes the book in one night and led to some misfortune the next day. He visits Soonyoung at his club after school.

“Jun-ah! Where were you? You worry me too much!”, his mother’s voice rang out. Jun stepped inside his house facing her worried and anxious face.

“I’m fine, ma. I visited the library, that’s all.” She felt relieved and went further in their house. He followed.

“Seriously boy, you’re going to give me a heart attack one day...”

“Mom, I’m a high school student. I might be busy with after school activities!” This was normal family banter between his mother. Normally, Jun would tell his family beforehand when he’ll be staying back. The visit to the library was unannounced and decided last minute, he’d forgotten of his family waiting. He rushed upstairs to his bedroom to shower and join the rest of his family for dinner.

As he went down, everyone was already seated at the dining table. They always have dinner together, a daily ritual of the Wen’s. This time, his mother made fried rice with stirred vegetables, the aroma spread everywhere in the house.

Their father would usually bring up news or anecdotes from work, sharing it to the family. Only mom would actively respond, though. Fengjun, his brother, is an excitable seven-year-old. His cute short legs kicked excitedly at the yummy food prepared. Jun adores him ever since he was born, they are quite close due to the large age gap of ten years.

Right after finishing his food and cleaning the dishes, he went straight for his room. His parents had asked him why he was rushing to get upstairs. For some reason he didn’t want his parents to know why he’s enthusiastic over a book, so homework had to be the excuse.

Jun cleared his desk for more space when reading, leaving the stacks of paper and books on his bed temporarily. He grabbed for his backpack and fished out the book. It took a moment to find the page once more, he didn’t mark the page upon borrowing the book.

He couldn’t believe a whole lot happened this day that it felt so surreal. The night was enchanting. Stars shone like crystals from his window, a mysterious beauty of the world. Jun felt his heart in serene compared when he was at school, every single worry faded away from his mind. The memories from before were tucked aside, sleeping and hopefully won’t emerge to haunt. He started shifting his focus to the story, ready to continue. Images formed with each sentence, building it up higher and wider. Time moved on...

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_“Hi, my name is Jun! What’s yours?”_

_“Nice to meet you Jun, my name is-”_

‘So noisy...’ The repeated noise pollution brought him back to the real world. He wasn’t sure the time he slept; it must’ve been late since tiredness occupied his brain. Groggily, Jun slowly rose and headed for the door. The loud banging might be from an angry family member, who knows?

“Ge-ge!”, he looked down, seeing his brother looking up nonchalant, “You’re going to be late! Hurry up!!”

‘Late? What is he talking about- OH SHIT!’ He saw the wall clock, ticking away to his doom. Only 15 more minutes until school starts...

If he was the fastest runner during his middle school days, then he surely must have gotten ready as quick. Sprinting for the door, he didn’t have time to eat breakfast or kiss his mom goodbye. He can’t be late. Ten minutes left, he’ll make it in time if he took the shortcut through the market. The aunties and uncles were there as usual, sadly Jun couldn’t stop his speed and continued quickly. Soon enough, he saw the familiar path and trees to his school.

He barged in his class dishevelled and panting heavily, thankfully no teacher in sight. The other students stared at him for a while. Jun could only give an awkward smile. He shuffled to his seat, very unsure if he should feel grateful for arriving on time or concerned with his appearance. Wonwoo too looked as if he has a ton of questions although also amused. But instead, he stayed silent until the teacher came.

\---

“Damn, what’s up with your hair?” Soonyoung asked upon noticing his dishevelled appearance. Once again, the three friends gathered for recess, walking towards the canteen whilst commenting on Jun.

“Also, you came late today. That’s rare.” Wonwoo joined in the interrogation, passing a comb to him for fixing his hair.

After touching up, they arrived in the cafeteria. “I stayed up reading this really good book I found in the library! It was nice and kind of depressing-” He stopped. His hand entered his pocket, searching deeply for the wallet. The other two also stopped and stare at him silently panicking. “Crap, I forgot my wallet...”

Soonyoung laughed, fishing for his to give some cash to the poor boy. The other one sighed at his friend’s carelessness. Bless his good heart unlike a certain glasses-wearing bookworm. 

He used the money given to him to buy a sandwich and joined the rest of them at the table. The three of them enjoyed the recess, although Wonwoo and Soonyoung had much fancier food than him. Never mind that, food is still food, if it’s edible he’ll take it.

“So, you actually did go to the library?”, Wonwoo first broke the silence. Jun replied with a simple yes. He wasn’t sure if he should bring up Minghao, they’re technically still strangers. 

“And that’s why you didn’t come yesterday! Moon Jun, you traitor!” Soonyoung pretended to feel pain by grasping his chest. His voice was exaggerated to mess with Jun.

“Argh! Forgive me, dear president!” he went along dramatically, leading Wonwoo to sigh at their shenanigans. Their circle was never boring or went out of hand thanks to their dynamics. While Soonyoung and Wonwoo were in two opposite side of the spectrum, Jun is the balanced middle. Even so, all of three of them have an introverted side, less noticeable with Soonyoung and himself. Thankfully he was able to get along with both fine at the start. When the bell finally rang, they went back to their respective classes.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

History class ended with only a few homework to be done. After saying goodbye to Wonwoo, he made his way to the clubroom. Unlike finding the library, he was much more familiar with the directions, having been there since their first year of high school. The clubroom’s sign appeared in the corner of his eye, loud music blasting from inside. Jun opened the door and entered.

Soonyoung’s movements were executed perfectly through his charisma. This was choreographed as his gaze intensified, almost like a tiger’s. He followed the beat of the song played sharply, in sync but unrushed at the same time. It was like watching a painting come to life. 

“Hey, you came!” he stopped to greet Jun, probably spotted him from the mirrored walls. Before they properly met, he only knew Soonyoung as ‘that one excited kid’, friendly and carefree all the time. It wasn’t until last year, recess time. Jun was simply enjoying his food, unaware that a dance battle took place. Loud cheers successfully got his attention and dragged him there, witnessing the different side of his friend. The fight was between who looked cooler when dancing, and he won.

Jun sat near a wall, witnessing his friend getting into the song and automatically moving his body. There’s a fire burning brightly inside of him, fuelling but not controlling. His passion remains undisturbed after the song ends. During break time, they’d indulge on sweet snacks brought by Jun. It gave enough energy for him to get back on track with his steps.

“There’s this kid I met a while ago, he’s a really great dancer!” While talented himself, Soonyoung is never arrogant, praising those he clearly deemed higher than him. “I think we should get air conditioning here; don’t cha think so?”

“That depends if the principal will allow and how much it costs.” ‘Wouldn’t it be expensive though...?’

“No worries! I’ve asked the other members to save up as much as possible for it!”

“I wasn’t in the first place...” He sighed. Soonyoung went back to indulging sweets. Does he have any interest or hobbies, Jun asked himself. The only time he was dedicated to something was debate, but that abruptly ended. Although curricular activities are as vital as academics, he hasn’t done much for the former. Hyaggo High offers many opportunities for students to explore their interest and talent. Perhaps he should attend the club showcase next time.

‘No, I need to deal with this first’, his girlfriend, friends, family, they have something to expect from him. And every day, it’s obligated for him to fulfil it. Be a good student and study hard, be her boyfriend, pretend to be someone else...

He’s sick of it.

Jun suddenly got up, startling his friend for a split second. This stressful event, he’s tired of being someone who’s not himself. Even with his closest friends there’s still a thin wall guarding him, making sure not to slip up and expose the truth. He needs to fight away the jittery feeling away. ‘Maybe this’ll help...’

Soonyoung’s face lit up excitedly, “What song do you want?”

Jun hadn’t really thought of a specific song before coming here. He tried to find the right words to describe his current mood. Rather, he’s not sure how to tell Soonyoung his true feelings. “Um, I don’t know. Anything will do?”

A random song played, “Is this good?” It started out soft, good enough. Jun prepared himself to let go even if it’s not for long. His hand moved to the tie he’s wearing, loosening it before throwing it off to the side. Soonyoung jokingly whistled at what he might’ve thought as a cringy attempt to look cool.

From his perspective, dancing could mean anything. An act, a story, a message... But it all depends on them and the audience. Jun’s audience, he looked up to face the mirror. He let his thoughts take over, bringing him to move about and dance for himself. A lonely soul in a big world, scared of the eyes that can see through him.

‘ _Mom, dad, I love you so much. But it’s hard to be myself around you two. Please accept me for who I am. I can’t be the eldest son you’ve expected and wanted.’_

_‘Wonwoo, Soonyoung, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for keeping some things a secret from you guys. If I told you, our friendship will never be the same. You two are important to me, and I fear you’ll never see me the same way again. Or even worse, with disgust.’_

_‘Ami, please find another man that’ll treat you better than me. I’m never supposed to fall in love in the first place. This Wen Junhui you see at school isn’t who you think he is.’_

The dance and words were in harmony, flowing gently like a river.

And yet, he’s still stuck. Chains held him back, weighing him down. ‘Is it wrong to have feelings for another boy?’ Jun asked himself every time when he was younger. It was when he was eight, he met someone special, he felt butterflies flying in his heart...

He found out he was gay.

Until this day, the boy is part of his memories. Jun knows by the age of seventeen he would’ve forgotten most of his childhood, but the pain and trauma resided in him like a tumour. Thing is, he can’t blame anyone but himself.

_Yanan..._

“Jun, Jun! Moon Junhui, are you okay?” A hand landed on his shoulder, leading him to see Soonyoung, slightly concerned. How long has he called him? The music stopped a while ago, so did his body. He slowly became aware, realizing his phone’s buzzing hard. “You spaced out. Check your phone, I’m pretty sure you got a call or a ton of messages.” Was it his mother? But he already told her of today so...

Reluctantly, Jun took his phone and answered the call.

“Hello?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger... Thank you to my friend August as my beta for this fic. School's starting in a week so I'm hoping it doesn't interfere much.. Stay safe everyone! <3


	4. Opening up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the call, Jun confesses to Soonyoung about a quarter of the problems he has. Before going back he made sure to stop by a place and managed end the day happily.

“Hello?”

“Jun? This is Ami!” He recognised that voice. A wave of disappointment filled his heart. Why would she call him right now?

“Um, is something the matter?” There must be a reason. This is their first time communicating through the phone. Did he mess up somewhere? She sounded cheerful today from the other line though.

“Well, I was wondering... Do you want to go out next week? There’s this cafe at Kyosan Street and we haven’t properly gone on a date together! Are you free?” A date, what do couples usually do on dates? He could ask his parents for advice, but then he never told them about Ami and would’ve be forced to, another situation he’d love to avoid. They would nag him for hours asking about the details, it’ll simply shrink his heart much more.

“O-of course! Let me check my schedule first...” Soonyoung must’ve noticed his hesitation as he gave Jun a concerned look. His stomach twists with guilt, Ami isn’t someone who deserved this.

That day when she confessed, Jun was given an option to decline. So why did he accept, he had thought over and over during the break. The fact that Ami decided to pour all her feelings in the middle of a corridor where other students are within earshot, it trapped him to a corner. He remembered vividly. They stopped and watch attentively at Junhui’s movements.

In the end, he’s a coward. Afraid. Paranoid. Always in constant alert.

The phone call ended, much to his relief. Jun breathed out shakily and his body began loosening from their conversation. Turning to face Soonyoung, he noticed the unusual expression his friend manifested.

“Hey,” Soonyoung started, still seated. Instead, a question escaped his mouth. “Is... everything alright? Like, in general?”

He wanted to lie; he has no choice. But deceiving his best friend will simply add up the guilt list. Avoiding it altogether made it easier to breathe and forget of the problems piling up. Looking for a way to reply, his legs gave in and went back to a sitting position. ‘I’m sorry, Soonyoung.’ 

“I’m just, not ready.” It wasn’t the full truth nor a straight-up lie. His heart is bleeding from the sheer pain of lying, but he still held on to the lie. 

“Huh?” Soonyoung’s face changed into confusion.

Jun lied down on the wooden floor. “I’m not in love with her. I’m not ready to fall in love with anyone.” He paused, thinking at what he just confessed. “Shit, I messed up badly... She’s a good person, kind and helpful, so I was scared of breaking her heart. Maybe if I just try and see where it led, maybe I’ll know...” With each sentence, his frown became deeper. It was replaced with a devastated look as his friend listened intently to him.

“But nothing changed and now I’m just frustrated with myself. Our relationship is still new, so I can’t end things right now. If I did... Everyone’s going to think I’m this asshole who toyed a girl’s heart...”

“Damn, dude... I’m really sorry.” This is probably the first time they had a serious conversation, usually it’s jokes and foolery. “Are you cancelling the date?”

“No. I’ll just give it a shot. One final time, then I’ll decide what to do next.” Honestly, he doesn’t have a plan at all. Just go to the date, hang out, rinse and repeat if it were to continue. “This would be our first, actually. I didn’t see her at all during the holidays.”

“Something’s been bothering me,” Soonyoung spoke up, his eyes staring somewhere far away. “I just have this bad feeling, y’know?”

“Oh yeah? What kind?”

He thought for a moment, before replying, “I don’t know it’s like, my stomach’s predicting the future! Ami just gives me bad vibes...” Jun let out a chuckle from Soonyoung’s words despite him being serious.

Soonyoung gave a pat on his shoulder, “If there’s anything, we’ll be there for you. No point keeping it inside, just know that me and Wonwoo care for you a ton. Remember that!” He reassured Jun with a goofy smile.

Although he still hid some information, it did make him feel better, even if it’s temporary. Hope resonated in his hollow chest. He tried his best to smile, stay as cheerful as Soonyoung.

“Thanks, dude. I owe you one-” His body got off from the floor, now in a cross-legged seating position- “Also, you’re the first person I’ve told. Feel free to tell Wonwoo ‘bout it though.”

The door suddenly opened in a rushed manner, startling both students. A boy, younger than Jun, entered clumsily with two canned drinks. He let out a tired sigh, face red probably from running or any exhilarating sport.

“Hyung! Sorry I’m late, the vending machine at the front broke and I got lost somewhere...” The boy handed Soonyoung a can. His curiosity grew towards Jun, they’ve clearly never met before. Was this student another first-year?

“No worries, it wasn’t that long!” Soonyoung gulped down the drink in just a few seconds before introducing the boy. “Jun, this is Chan, the person I was talking about! He’s from the middle school beside us.”

‘So, this is the prodigy dancer he was talking about...’ He recalled Soonyoung mentioning him during recess, ranting and praising the raw talent and ambition the boy had. For someone to have a strong passion early in life, it made Jun a little envious.

Chan’s smile brightened as he bowed with respect, “Nice to meet you, Jun-hyung!” The boy seemed polite and pleasant; a far cry of what Jun would imagine of talented prodigies.

“Well, there’s 15 minutes left. Shall we clean up?” Soonyoung got up after cooling down to avoid pain in the morning. Following his senior, Chan too begin to pick up the wrappers from their snack break. It’s a shame there wasn’t enough time to witness Chan dancing with his own eyes. But with the time left, he could still catch up for one more thing.

“Sorry guys, I need to go the library again! Nice meeting you Chan, great dancing today Soonyoung.” Jun quickly picked up his tie and bag where he kept safely the borrowed book.

“Thanks for stopping by, I’ll see you to- WEI WHY ARE YOU RUNNING AGAIN?!” The shout left by Soonyoung echoed past the halls, sounding more distant as Jun sprint to the library.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He slammed the door open upon arriving, probably a bad idea since the librarian on shift may not be Minghao. Thankfully, it was empty, and the librarian could be seen shelving the books back to their original place. Jun headed to him with a glad expression.

Minghao appeared genuinely surprised at the teenager’s arrival. “Junhui-ge? I didn’t expect you to come today.”

“Yeah, well... I finished the book yesterday, so I thought of maybe returning early?” Jun sheepishly smiled while handing the book.

“Wait- you’re done reading?! In one night?” Minghao’s eyes widened, extremely stunned to the point of almost dropping it. He could only feel his cheeks reddening and finger scratching the right side of his face.

“In my defence, it’s a really enjoyable book, just like what you said.” Jun chuckled while recalling this morning’s incident, “I woke up late because of that, but it was worth it!”

Minghao seemed grateful to his response. He was about to leave the building and head home until a hand grasped his wrist. Jun turned back, staring back at the charming librarian.

“Wait for me outside.” His mouth quirked to form a grin.

It wasn’t a long wait at all as he stared outside of the window, sunlight seeping in the building. As evening approaches, the clouds spread far apart from others, sky fading to a reddish hue. Minghao stepped out of the library seemingly glad Jun indeed patiently waited. With no words spoken, they started to walk in the same direction.

“For someone who probably just started reading, I’m surprised and impressed at how fast you finished it.” Minghao genuinely praised. He felt the situation is akin to being complimented by a teacher, proud and grateful.

“Thanks, it’s been a while since I’ve read something nice. N-not that I’m saying the novel’s setting is pleasant.” Junhui stumbled over his words, hoping Minghao understood.

The younger boy perked up with a grin, “Tell me, what happened to Luc’s mother in the story?”

Jun tilted his head in confusion to Minghao’s direction when he suddenly asked from nowhere. The boy simply maintained the almost mischievous look, staring and waiting for an answer.

“She committed suicide, right? By throwing herself into the ocean while leaving behind a letter for Luc,” Jun answered with slight confidence, retracing the previous events in the book. The scene was immensely tragic; Poor Luc who always believed his mother was out there alive, stricken by the sudden truth and reality. He fell into horrible despair as the protagonist tried to bring his friend back in a normal state. Soon enough, it’s the cause of Luc’s downfall and declining sanity.

Minghao hummed with satisfaction, “You really did read it after all. Good job, Junhui-ge!” He reached out into his bag. “Anyways, I wanted to show you this.”

He showed Jun another book, this time hard-covered and thicker. The front was shown clearly to him. Curiosity crossed his mind at the sight of a possible new read.

“Did you borrow this book?” Jun asked.

“Nope. I bought it at an old bookstore. It’s in Chinese.” Indeed, the title was clearly typed out with those familiar characters he grew up seeing.

Their conversation went on quite a while, with the librarian informing more about the novels he read and enjoyed. Jun had realized they already arrived at the school’s front gate when Minghao came to a halt. At a time like this almost all students and teachers have gone back, thus the peaceful silence floated about. The trees were luscious green as summer stopped by and warm the country.

“Junhui-ge?” Minghao called out at a daydreaming Jun. He made sure their eyes met before continuing, “You can come see me anytime at the library if you want more book recommendations. There are some days I won’t be on shift, but I’m always here at school until five.”

“Really? You don’t have to do that-”

“Please, I want to. I want to show you more of what our library has to offer.”

Hearing those words spoken formed a soft smile on his face, “Thank you. I’ll be under your wing then.”

It was Minghao’s turn to smile, soft and gentle. “See you tomorrow, Junhui-ge.” He patted his back before going to on a separate way.

Somehow, he felt more comfortable to Minghao than his family and close friends, probably because they’re both not from here. The impression Jun created from first looks is completely gone, replaced with an image of a silent, maybe shy but passionate teenager he can be friends with. Maybe as time progresses, so does their new budding friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been writing this fic for almost a year now, wow-
> 
> Next chapter will be more focused on the main ship so please look forward to it! Stay safe everyone <3


	5. The Little Prince

“You’re earlier than I thought.” Minghao stood leaning on a wall opposite of the library’s entrance, exchanging smiles when the distance got closer between them. They just started the meetings this day.

“Well, um... The quicker we start the better?” Shyness crept its way to Jun’s cheeks. Did he seem too eager after yesterday? Maybe he really is, searching a way to vent and project into another person’s life.

“At least you’re interested, come on. I brought another book.” Minghao beckoned as the two entered the peaceful library. They sat at an empty table. It was the same when he last visited, not many people come often. When they do, it was mostly for researching or anything group related like a project.

Minghao drew out a book from his bag, revealing the childish-drawn cover. Like the previous book, the story tells about a young boy, naive and innocent. ‘The Little Prince’.

“I personally think this is one of my favourites. It’s a children’s novella, but that doesn’t mean older people can’t read it! This book is probably better than the self-help ones at a bookstore.” Seeing the enthusiasm flaring up was cute in some way. “Let me show you...”

Minghao flipped to a page, showing an illustration of who Jun presumed to be the little prince, dressed up in a royal blue robe. The simple and old cartoonish art style gave a dreamy vibe, fitting for a story set in different planets. He examined the pages more thoroughly, until the book shut closed on his own face.

“Stop, read it yourself. I’m not lending this book to you.”

“Why not?!” Jun rose his voice before a nearby librarian on duty shushed and glared at the two. He whispered an apology and proceed to pout at Minghao childishly. “Can’t your hyung borrow it, please?”

A teasing smile formed upon hearing Jun’s whine. “No need to. You can read it online since the book’s already in public’s domain.” He explained briefly, watching an ‘o’ form with Jun’s mouth as a sign of understanding.

They had to stop their chat before a librarian kicks them out for making too much noise. Getting comfortable with the atmosphere, reading passed by time as the two boys wait until it closes for the day. Occasionally Jun glanced from his book to look at Minghao who is greatly absorbed and distracted. Sometimes, a stray hair strand will gently fall, bringing him back to reality as he tucked it behind his ear.

There was an ethereal air surrounding Minghao, somehow enchanting his features more. Even with a handsome person right across him, Jun wasn’t too bothered. For the first time in life, this was the calmest his heart felt. From all exciting things happening in life, he’d love to experience this moment for much longer than the limited time they have.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You have a calming presence.”

“Huh? Where did that come from?” Minghao looked up from the cart, facing Jun’s cat smile. A visit led to another one although this time Minghao is doing his shift with the other boy tailing him.

“Dunno, I just noticed. Take it as a compliment!” Jun noticed a slight smile forming a split second on the boy’s lips before returning to shelving the books.

Despite being in his first year, Minghao was really dedicated with his time in the library. The moments were small, but the senior librarians seemed to appreciate the boy’s presence. In some way, Jun would say the same thing albeit a different kind of help.

Without a thought, he asked a question and received an ambiguous answer.

“Minghao, why do you like literature so much?”

He put down the book. The focused expression went away, instead replaced with a riddled stare. It was as if a lot of things were running in his head, was he trying to find an answer?

“I’ll tell you soon, just not now.” Minghao came back to his senses and continued to arrange. “It’s a long story actually, so another time will do.”

‘Weird... was he deflecting it?’ In the end of his shift, they exchanged a silent goodbye before heading back home.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“When I went to the library, I met this student from China.” The next week, he told his friends about Minghao during recess. He thought there was no point in keeping that a secret, especially from his two best friends.

“Whoa, lucky you. What’s his name?” Somehow Jun was able to decipher what Soonyoung said despite the latter’s mouth stuffed with food.

“Xu Minghao. He didn’t mention his Korean name though...”

“Our school does have some number of foreigners. There’s Joshua-hyung, you, this Minghao person too. But it must feel nice to find someone who speaks the same language in a different country.” Wonwoo said. Although Jun had no problem making friends or interacting with Koreans, it did feel good. He swore without another Chinese person except his family to talk to, his grasp of languages will certainly decrease.

Speak of the devil, he spotted a familiar dark-haired student, walking calmly to their table. Jun waved and smiled as the boy got closer. 

“Good morning, Jun-ge. Ah, you too Wonwoo-hyung, Soonyoung-hyung.” He decided not to question how the hell Minghao knew their names. Wonwoo simply nodded as a form of acknowledgement while Soonyoung’s mouth agape at his sight.

He suddenly got up, “Seo Myungho?!”

“Myungho?” Jun gave a confused look to the two.

“My Korean name is Myungho if that’s what you were wondering.” Minghao briefly explained. It still doesn’t explain how they knew each other before.

“I met him during the club showcase. As it turns out, Myungho here is an experienced B-boy! I tried to convince him to join our club but-”

“But I told him I’ll focus on the library first before deciding on joining anything else. Besides, I may not be able to attend practice much.”

Alright, this turned out different from what Jun had thought. Once again, he learned a lot more about Minghao that day, watching him interact with some of his closest friends made him feel glad and relieved. They were suddenly bantering while him and Wonwoo watches as it unfolds.

“It’s been fun and all, but I need to get back to my friends. See you later, hyungs.” Minghao bowed politely to them and was about to head back to his seat. A hand on his wrist stopped the boy’s movements.

“Ah wait, are you busy tomorrow, at the library I mean?” Jun asked, hopeful eyes staring into Minghao’s. It didn’t take long for a reply along with his usual smile to be returned.

“Not at all. We’ll meet there as usual, okay?” God bless this sweet boy. With the answer, Jun released his arm and waved back. Unbeknown to him, Wonwoo and Soonyoung stared puzzled.

Jun cocked his head, “Why? Is something wrong?”

“I got... none of that.”

“You sound different when you speak Chinese.” They said in unison.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Without fail, Jun came by every day whilst always looking forward to it. Their meetings always took place at the library due to being the most convenient for Minghao and fitting for the meetups. At times, it isn’t just integral life lessons or fancy writing techniques he learns about. Often or not, he discovers more things about Minghao, and vice versa.

There was a change in their routine that day. When the bells rang and the students flee, he never expected the teenager to show up right outside the classroom. After waving Wonwoo goodbye, Jun was surprised by the boy’s sudden appearance. He looked out of place among the crowds of second years, but an unbothered look maintained. The calm, stoic persona was let down once they finally spotted each other.

He followed Minghao through the corridors, only to realize that the path was not familiar to him. However, Jun didn’t question and continued. They reached an exit and went through the door. The afternoon heat surrounds them as they made their way.

“Where are we going?” He finally asked as they’re walking.

Minghao slowed his pace to match Jun’s, “Have you ever wondered how different life would be if we hadn’t move here?”

The question never really crossed his mind since school was just as fine in the present, so it didn’t really matter to him. “Not really, why?”

Before Minghao could answer back, they stopped dead on their tracks, prompting Jun to look around. 

“Welcome to my spot.” It seemed likely he led Jun to the back of the school. The spot was certainly unfamiliar in his two years here, a tall steel fence stood meters away from the actual building. Wildflowers and taller grass remained outside, a contrast to the neatly trimmed within the grounds. “It’s not really fancy but make yourself comfortable.”

“No worries, I don’t mind at all.” Jun let himself sit after Minghao does. The afternoon heat persists. However, they were shaded by a tree grown outside of the fence. It’ll probably won’t maintain the luscious green leaves when seasons change though.

“To answer your question, I just thought how big of a coincidence it is to meet someone in a similar situation.” He explained. It’s true, Junhui considers himself lucky for many things but this one especially takes the biscuit. Even though they were still strangers to each other, it didn’t feel awkward much.

“Are you still in contact with anyone from your old school?” Jun asked as he watched the other boy fish out a book.

“Oh um, about that...” Minghao released a nervous laugh. “I actually had no friends prior to moving here so, yeah.”

“Shit, sorry!” ‘Dammit, Junhui.’ He quickly apologised and cursed himself, worried that his attempt to converse might be too much.

Minghao must’ve noticed the guilty look plastered on his face when suddenly the boy let out an airy chuckle. “No need to be, you didn’t know. And I’m quite sure you had a different life than mine.”

In all honesty, he preferred to forget everything that happened back in China. Back in the small tight-knitted community where everyone knew each other no matter what age or occupation you are. There were, of course, small, fragmented memories of happy days, happy memories of a young and naive Jun.

And just like that, his life shattered in a million pieces.

A certain young boy unknowingly triggered the everlasting blow.

‘Stop, stop thinking of him...’

_“My name is Junhui but call me Jun!”_

“Ge, hey- are you okay?” A light touch on his left shoulder shook him away from his thoughts. They were still behind the school, under the tree on a sunny day. The librarian was hesitant with the contact, but slowly and surely rested his hand on Jun’s shoulder. How long did he stare off?

“Now that I think about it, we’re not so different after all.” He gave a wide grin to a confused Minghao. “Guess who also had no friends prior moving here?”

The frown was replaced with a combination of shock and disbelief. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope.”

“NO way, but you’re... Wen Junhui! Popular, charismatic foreign student of Hyaggo High?”

Jun laughed at Minghao’s not-so-inaccurate description; most people do view him that way at first glance. “I’m not bullshitting you. So, chill.”

Minghao huffed out, “Okay, okay. Let’s get back on track”. A thick book was shoved into Jun’s hands. “Let’s get deeper into the world of literature, alright?”

“‘Lord of the Flies?’ Is this by any chance related to Grave of the Fireflies?” He scanned through the book, contained within were endless paragraphs with seemingly less dialogue.

“What-no. Apparently this book is often used for English class, so I gave it a shot. Although, it might be a tough read since it’s very descriptive with the environment. The summary is basically these young kids got stranded on an island with very dark outcomes. Better not read it if you expect a heart-warming tale.” He warned Jun with a pat on the back. Another best thing about their meetings is that books were the only way Minghao would talk more than a sentence. Certain days when they sometimes cross paths, Jun noticed he was much more reserved and aloof. A great contrast to his book nerd mode.

“How dark is it on a scale of 1 to 10?”

“9.”

“Okay, now I’m worried.” Jun fake shuddered, eliciting a small giggle from Minghao.

“You don’t have to force yourself ge, there’s plenty of books with happy endings.” Minghao patted his shoulder whilst staring up where clouds meet, looking ethereal and calm.

“Wait- are you saying that this book has a downer ending??”

“Oops. Truthfully yes but I won’t say what happened until you’ve read it.”

Jun smiled ear-to-ear, “And I will.”

As soon as he started to read, it already felt like he was transported in the book. A deserted island with a bunch of young boys. While his eyes are simply processing endless words, Jun allowed his imagination to project. He imagined ocean waves rising, disappearing once it reaches shore. He imagined how the heat over the large island, and the boys’ struggle. The pain and struggle to survive. (Coincidentally, Jun can relate albeit a different kind.)

As quickly as he entered his mind, the boy became aware once he noticed Minghao from his peripheral vision.

Firstly, there weren’t any signs of impatience when he’s with Jun. He’s calm, a cloud going by a serene day. There was no doubt Minghao looked handsome in this evening lighting. Delicate, but graceful.

How could someone as nice, delicate and helpful not have any friends?

“Hey”, Jun felt afraid if he were to avoid the topic, but nonetheless still asked. “You’re not alone at school, are you?”

Those doe eyes looked up innocently, curious. “Are you worried about me?”

‘Dammit cheeks stop feeling hot...’ Jun tried his best to remain calm. “Well um, yes.”

Minghao smiled contentedly and stared outside of the gate, an arm rested on the other’s shoulder. “Relax. I may be the foreign kid, but I did find some good friends. They’re really nice people, Seokmin and Mingyu.”

“That’s good to hear! If there’s anything you need to ask, feel free to find me. Think of it as my way to repay you for these sessions.” Jun exclaimed.

Satisfied, Minghao got up. “We should probably head home now. Come on.”

Jun grabbed his extended hand and began walking in silence. The sun was already setting, rays basking their white school in a reddish-orange hue. He could feel sweat slowly produced from the heat. As usual, the grounds were almost devoid of any students. Most of them must’ve went home already.

Just as the two teens reached the field, a voice called from behind. “Myungho, wait!”

They turned their backs simultaneously and found another student, drenched in sweat. Even in the undesirable condition he smiled brightly, perhaps even brighter than the sun itself.

“Seokmin? Why are you still here?” Minghao questioned. Jun recalled that name as one of the friends that were mentioned back at the spot. The boy, Seokmin, handed Minghao a stack of paper written fully in each page.

“We had rehearsals. I saw you walking and thought I should return these. Thank you for the notes! I can understand it easier now!” Seokmin’s smile could even rival the sun in terms of brightness, Jun imagined.

“No problem, glad I could he- wait isn’t that Mingyu?” Minghao trailed off, his eyes staring off into the field. Jun and Seokmin followed the same.

A sportswear-clad student stood there waving his hands vigorously at their direction. He got closer, and Jun realized that he was quite tall, a few inches taller than himself. The student panted heavily, wiping off sweat from his forehead just as he reached the group.

“Hey... football was...tiring...” he breathily spoke. Eventually, Jun realized how familiar the junior looks...

“Wait wait wait, I’ve seen you before! Staring at my best bud!” He couldn’t help but exclaimed. The boy, Mingyu, looked surprised from the sudden outburst whilst both Minghao and Seokmin stared confused.

“Staring? At which hyung?” Minghao asked Jun for confirmation.

“Wonwoo, during recess.”

Mingyu sheepishly looked down, mumbling. “I wanted to return his shirt...”

“Wait what?” The other three said in unison. He probably meant during an accident, but without context, it sounded like something happened between those two _._

“Hold on, you’re Jun-hyung right? Myungho always talked about you!” Seokmin cheerfully asked. And now’s Jun slightly worried as to what kind of things does Minghao say about him. Hopefully, positive stuff.

“You talk about me?” He smirked, taking the opportunity to tease the younger. “I thought you were the cool, silent type.”

Instead, Minghao coolly replied. “Why should I not tell my friends of the famous Moon Junhui?”

“Don’t worry hyung, he says wonderful things about you! One time came telling us about that one time you-”, Seokmin was cut off by Minghao’s hands on his mouth and shoulder, gripping hardly. Mingyu simply laughed at the situation, noting how Minghao averted his gaze to the floor embarrassedly. It was a precious view, three friends with tight bonds.

Eventually, they went back to their separate ways and Jun couldn’t forget that peaceful smile on Minghao’s perfect face. How it felt different, special in some way. These past days he never thought they’d be hanging out most of the time, reading novels and learning more of each other.

Minghao’s no doubt introverted. He rarely talks about himself and is rather silent in large groups. Jun could at least remember some things about the librarian: He was born and raised in Anshan, they moved to Korea exactly one year ago, he loves to read and is a dog person. The mystery behind the person known as Xu Minghao attracts Jun to him even more.

If only he could know more about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week is pretty tiring since there's a lot going on with online class but hopefully I can finish this in time. I hope everyone is safe at wherever they are! <3


	6. Can Take my Eyes off You

'Okay Junhui, let’s get this day over with.’

Saturdays are those days he uses to take a break, relax and have fun. Jun’s schedule on weekends are often flexible: Some days he’ll come over his friend’s house with games and comics while some are days, he completes his dutiful son duties by helping his parents or brother. If anything, he’d prefer either of those two than _this._

Junhui rarely goes to the shopping area on his own. He’d usually assist his mother there with groceries but that’s about it. Because of that, navigating the cafe and date spot has proven to be... difficult. The many cafes he passed way too many times didn’t help either. And so, Junhui remained lost in his own neighbourhood.

At least until he asked a familiar auntie from their grocery trips the directions. Bless her.

Eventually, the black steel sign with the words ‘SJ’ could be seen after some time. A flush of relief filled Jun’s bones. He pushed the slightly heavy door and entered; fresh aroma of brewed coffee filled his senses.

The cafe gives off a calm vibe with its earthy colours with the walls and floors. A few large paintings and posters filled the wall, releasing a cosy vibe into the surroundings of the cafe. Jun noticed there were less people than what he expected, maybe this place isn’t that known? With the pleasant atmosphere, he wished it were able to cool down his nerves before the date.

After scanning the menu above the workstation, he headed to the counter. Jun’s taste leaned more toward sweet and spicy, prompting him to not order coffee. He didn’t really enjoy the bitter taste.

“Hello, what can I get you?” the cashier greeted monotonously. There was no hostility in the tone, probably just dead tired or something, Jun imagined.

“Hi! Can I have a Chocolate Cream Chip Frappe and a croissant?” Jun asked, gesturing the menu awkwardly. The cashier nodded and typed on the cash register, displaying the total. Jun paid with the exact amount and went to sit at a vacant table.

And he began to wait.

To pass the time, Jun often played games on his phone. He made sure to check for notifications in case anything was to happen. So far, the only messages he got were from his friend group chat (Named ‘BROS BEFORE HOES’ by none other than Soonyoung), his mom and someone who’s most likely a scammer.

A different waiter came by and delivered his food and drink, smiling kindly at Jun. He thanked back with courtesy even though his mind is far adrift in a sea of thoughts.

Firstly, Ami. Jun had thought of many scenarios for the date, also coming up with viable solutions for ones he’d want to avoid. He knows trying to convince himself to catch feelings is not going to help much. The outcome of this date will decide for him. As much as Jun wants to keep his sexuality hidden, fake dating is not the way to go.

Second, a fellow Chinese boy.

He admits feeling some connection towards Minghao, beyond books and nationality. The boy has a calming force around himself. He’s someone who Jun really considers a friend. He took out the book given to him from their last meeting, memories fresh and anew. Jun began to read silently as he waited and waited.

30 minutes passed by.

The restless and nervous feeling was instantly replaced with agitation. She was the one who proposed it, including where their little date would take place. And yet, the one late is her. Jun’s generally a patient guy, but today his blood simmers with each minute passed.

“Waiting for someone?” From the corner of his eye, a waiter went up to check up on Jun. His hair reached somewhere above his shoulders with wavy locks.

Jun replied with a nod. He wasn’t used to small talk, especially with strangers. However, the waiter casually seated across him which left Jun in an awkward feeling. The other doesn’t seem to care much though.

“She’s quite late today actually.” He spoke up, trying to sound casual. The sudden hand rubbing on his shoulder caught him off guard. ‘What the?’

“It’s okay, let it all out. I know that face when I see one.” He suddenly said like a wise old man. The waiter looked directly into Jun’s eyes. “Love problems, am I right?”

Firstly, how did he figure out just by looking at one’s expression? Secondly, should he invest the man with his difficulty coming out of the closet to his family and friends? (The answer is obviously no.) He shared his problems with Soonyoung back at the clubroom and now he’s feeling some sort of Deja vu.

Fuck it.

“Yup.” Jun sighed, “Things aren’t going well on my side.” He kept it as vague as possible. Surprisingly (And thankfully), the waiter didn’t push on and simply acknowledge it with a nod. None of them continued and Jun went on to watch outside beyond the glass. It was past noon, somewhere around evening before the night sky comes in.

It was quite lucky of him for his decision as two familiar people passed by without a care in the world.

Jun could recognize those long black locks anywhere. However, she headed nowhere near the cafe, instead zipping past it while wrapped around a man’s arm. No, he’s not seeing things. The guy smirked at Ami, holding her much closer throughout the walk. Jun knows this feeling bubbling inside him are neither jealousy nor envy. He felt the urge to just explode, let loose, frustrated yet dumbfounded.

“Fucking hell.” It was all he said from his anger. The waiter sat up straight, alerted. He scanned outside where Jun was looking, “Hey, what happened?”

“There”, he pointed outside to Ami and the guy, “That’s her.” They looked like an ordinary couple, one where none would bat an eye on.

“Oh shit.” The waiter let out which was surprising to Jun. They watched silently as Ami left the street, ignorant yet blissful with the man right beside her and not the one she proclaimed to love.

If this was a romance novel, he would’ve run out to chase after her, confront them with hurtful anger. He would’ve confessed everything he felt or maybe beg her to not leave. Perhaps, he’d even become more determined to win back her heart.

If only, it was that simple.

Almost as if controlled by an entity, Jun reached out for his phone and typed out those three words. The whole time, he fretted hurting a girl’s feelings only to have himself be discarded like a broken toy.

You (14.35 p.m.)

_Ami_

_Let’s break up_

‘There.’ It was like a breath that’s been held on for so long finally exhaled. Jun felt honestly glad, the thought of having to go this far to pretend was out of his mind. Even if the message was too straight-forward, he’ll deal with that in the future.

“I guess she wasn’t even worth it in the end.” He didn’t realize the waiter was still in front of him, commenting on the situation.

“At least now I can, well, break up with her easily?”

“So, the problem is that you don’t like her in that way, but you can’t spit it out?” The waiter questioned, then suddenly continued in a teasing manner. “Is there someone else you like?”

_“You can understand me, right? Or I’m just confusing you more.”_

“U-um, of course not!” Jun stammered.

‘Why did I think of Minghao?’ 

The waiter cheekily smiled, “You’re definitely into someone! Ah, young love... I used to date a lot when I was your age.” How old is this guy?

“Even if I like someone, I don’t think they will like me back...” Jun looked down on his palms, trying to not think of the past.

“They never will.”

Perhaps it was the face that Jun unconsciously made or the low tone of his voice with his last words but whatever it was made the waiter stand up. “Wait here.”

Jun silently watched as he walked and disappeared to the back of the counter, coming out with a plate of a colourful cake. He sat again and set the plate down whilst handing Jun a fork.

“Here, it’s on the house.” Once again, the waiter gave a pat, a comforting one. “Don’t beat yourself up too much, you’ll find someone eventually. Take it from a man in his 30’s.”

He wanted to genuinely believe that in this cruel world, there is a happy conclusion waiting at the end of the tunnel. Or that the rain will stop, and the sun shall peek out from the grey clouds. But what will it take to make it happen? Even then, Jun was glad about the cake and the shared talk.

Suddenly, a short barista came out disgruntled and head to their table. “Kim Heechul stop slacking off. The boss wants you back inside- “A expression of shock and confusion appeared upon landing his eyes on both Jun and the waiter, Heechul.

“What the-? This is not- what the fuck- Am I seeing things?” The short man rambled on, rubbing his eyes in disbelief. Looking back and forth to them, he ran back to the counter while shouting. Loudly. “GUYS WHY ARE THERE TWO HEECHULS?!”

“YAH GET BACK HERE!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's everyone today? I'm currently in class as I'm uploading this chapter lol. The next chapter probably took the longest time to write, hopefully it'll turn out well. Other than that, stay safe <3


	7. Dream Alone

When Jun got back to the safety and warmth of his bedroom, his first instinct was to stow away his book gently; and proceed to fall flat on his bed like a pancake. The day ended much later than he thought due to the rain.

He thought back to the desolate cafe with rowdy baristas, how they immediately compared his face with one of the workers Heechul. Jun would’ve brushed off it as a small similarity until they properly looked through the mirror. They could easily pass off as twins despite the age gap. Although, Jun’s eyes were sharper like a cat’s eye, but Heechul’s were large and pretty.

He managed to get back home safely after the downpour. His parents sat together in the living room; watching one of those Chinese soap operas that seemed endless. They quickly noticed his arrival and asked how his day went. Jun didn’t inform his parents where or why he went outside today. They must’ve thought he went to Wonwoo or Soonyoung’s as his closest friends.

“It was alright.” He kept a neutral expression up until he reached to his bedroom.

Jun unlocked his phone, noticing the 100 messages popped up from their friend group chat. Most of it came from Soonyoung who tried to desperately get Jun’s attention (Honestly, he was surprised how he didn’t notice his phone buzzing at all while talking to Heechul). A few came from Wonwoo who just wanted peace and quiet and not for the phone to buzz each second. Quickly, he called for Wonwoo, immediately replying after the second ring.

_“Hey, what’s up?”_ He twirled so that his back comfortably laid on the mattress.

“Hey, my date’s over.”

_“I can tell, and?”_

Jun went straight to the point since it was easier. “Horrible, but at least I broke up with Ami.”

_“Seriously? She was fine with it?”_ Wonwoo said in disbelief.

“Well, not exactly. It was over text and she didn’t reply yet, but I’ve made up my mind. She was with another guy while I waited for her at the cafe.” It was a stupid idea to begin with; date someone platonically so that no one gets suspicious. Very smart, Jun.

Both sides were silent apart from the ceiling fan spinning.

_“...Hey, you okay?”_

“Yeah, of course! Why do you ask?”

_“It’s just”-_ He paused for a short while before continuing, - _“Just know that we’re here for you, alright?”_

Jun laughed, “What’s with the sentimental feeling?” Inside, he felt his heartbeat rising from something as ambiguous as Wonwoo’s words.

_“Jun, I’m your friend; I know what kind of person you are. You’re the type to get stabbed and shrug it off. I’m not forcing you to tell us everything, but won’t it feel better to let it out? Me and Soonyoung, we’re right behind you.”_

Silence. He may not look like it, but Jun is always prepared on responses. Every single scenarios and situations he prepared beforehand. But this one, from his best friend, rendered him speechless. Wonwoo spoke up again in respond to their silent call.

_“Let me ask again, are you okay?”_

“... I’m alright. I feel better than before. I-I’m not sure how to explain but seriously,” He smiled, “I’m okay.”

_“If you say so...”_ Wonwoo trailed off. Jun swore there was a glint of doubt at the last minute but chose to ignore it.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, his walk to school was anything but peaceful.

Word _somehow_ got out to most of the students in Hyaggo. Jun suspected that either Ami’s friends spread the news or that someone, not sure who or how, heard from himself or Ami. Either way, it’s a pain to his ass when the number of students (or hyenas) rose and rose until he reached his class.

‘Dammit Wonwoo, you could’ve told me last night you had a stomach flu.’ Jun sulked. This time, he finds himself sitting alone in class due to his absent friend. As usual, some of his classmates tried to slide themselves to the vacant seat and would’ve succeeded if it weren’t for Jun’s desperate blocks. Usually, he didn’t mind them sometimes sitting beside him, but that day didn’t improve his mood. And so, he remained solo until the final subject.

Some terrible luck he was struck with as the teacher explained the details of the group project. Thankfully, he assigned Jun to another lone wolf in his class: Lee Jihoon. Describing him proved to be sometimes difficult. He stands out with his small stature yet blends in with the crowd due to his reserved nature. Jihoon is however known throughout the school as one of their top baseball players. Even with that, he manages to keep a low profile.

“For now, just read your parts and make notes out of it. I can make the first half of the PowerPoint and then send it to you. Thankfully, this topic’s not too hard. Understand?”

Jun nodded. He likes Jihoon for his straightforward attitude and not being really into gossip. While Wonwoo and Soonyoung (And Minghao) are his best friends, he placed Jihoon under ‘Tolerable classmate I like.’ Just on cue, the bell rang.

‘Ah, finally.’ Jun got up. He was about leave the class when suddenly stopped by Jihoon’s voice.

“Wait. You’re friends with Soonyoung, right?” His voice sounded different to sound casual contrary to when he spoke to the student. What was shocking is that Jihoon is asking Jun. About a certain someone named Soonyoung. The same Soonyoung who could never say ‘I love you’ in a normal way.

“Yeah, why do you ask?”

“I wondered if I- never mind. It’s a stupid reason...” He muttered the last sentence, looking down on his textbooks.

“If you’re looking for him, he’s usually in the dance club after school. I’m actually heading there later.” Jun smiled whilst gesturing outside the class. He was curious why Jihoon asked but decided to let it be. After an awkward goodbye, he went outside to look for Soonyoung.

His friend could be seen across the hallway, waving excitedly for Jun to see. He returned it with a smaller one and walked towards him in the sea of students. Before Soonyoung could start ranting about whatever he has in his mind, a hand sharply pulled Jun away from his best friend: startling him. It was hard to tell at first from the busy corridor, the hair was a giveaway.

“You...!” Ami’s eyes glared through him, “What is THIS supposed to mean?” She shoved her phone onto Jun’s face. _The text._ He took a breath before replying, “Exactly what I mean, let’s break up.”

Ami’s expression changed within a second to those of a desperate lover. She turned over a leaf into a new facade: meek and pitiful.

“B-but why? Jun, can we please talk about this-”

It took him a lot of willpower not to call her a snake or bitch right there and then. Instead, he exclaimed, “Talk? It’s already clear, you’re cheating!”

Her eyes widened in shock and now she can’t even talk properly, “I-is it about yesterday? It’s a misunderstanding; m-my mother was sick and I need to take care of her...” She quivered at Jun’s presence as if she wasn’t the one who shouted first.

Just a month ago, he would’ve been fine with all this. Even if he did find out, he wouldn’t mind since in the end, he’s pretending too. To live in a world of lies just to survive; it’s what he needs, but not want. He tried to predict with how long he must wear a mask in public. All the outcomes were infinite, there is no end. He’s falling down in an endless pit. But he doesn’t want to become someone’s pawn for love when he can’t fall in love without fear looming over. The thought scares, disappoint, anger him.

The first time, everything just blew up.

“I saw you; you were with another guy while I sat there waiting for 30 minutes! What date?! I was never a good boyfriend to you, so what’s the point. You’re just here to play with everyone’s heart because Ami is oh so pretty, but guess what? Fine, you can go flirt with anyone you want. But leave me alone!” His heartbeat boomed in his ears, mixing in with the gasps of everyone around them that listened.

Jun stood there in and half-consciously, he whispered. His body trembled; eyes kept down. The words barely came as a whisper.

“ _I’m not meant to be with anyone.”_

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Almost as if by instinct, his body brought him to the library. He silently busted in, not stopping to check if Minghao was there. He preferred if he wasn’t there to see this version of Junhui.

In the library, there were some spaces that are secluded and well-hidden. He knew each location. It wasn’t as if a lot of students came, especially around the evening. He walked with his head facing down on the floor, avoiding eye contact until he reached the spot. His legs collapsed, tired.

His heart was still palpitating when he walked away, moving faster to a jog, until he finally ran away from the crowd. The loudest voice was Soonyoung, calling to Jun as he fled. He’d promise to tell them one day, but not now. Now he was stuck in a prison of his own and the library that’s supposed to help him persevere.

Without thinking, Jun grabbed behind him a random book and read. He forced himself to read through the words, imagine them coming to life. Even if it’s about some plant in East Asia, he kept reading. Read, read, _read, read..._

A shaky breath escaped, knuckles whitening from the hard grip that would’ve torn the book apart. He excessively blinked to clear his blurring vision, chest heaving. He tried to speak out each word to concentrate on the book. Nothing came out. 

The book has been long forgotten from the start, sentences come and go, grew and withered away. Jun brought his hand to cover his mouth in a pathetic attempt to silence himself, biting his tongue to stop sobbing. If only he wasn’t hidden in the library he wouldn’t hold back, to release all of the frustrations into empty air. No one can hear him. No one will see him.

A loud thud in the silence came from beside Jun.

His first instinct is to run; maybe exit the school and hide out at an alley way. But upon seeing him, his knees buckled. Jun was petrified on the floor. From a single look, fear alarmed him, like a dear blinded by headlights. He’s completely exposed to this person; the one he’s most afraid to be seen in this state.

Of all the people, _why him?_

“Jun...?” Minghao’s eyes widened after dropping the book. He went down a bit too quickly to Jun on the floor, not caring about the discarded item behind him.

“Minghao... I-” He could barely muster his friend’s name before giving in to the sobs. Jun couldn’t even look at him, too filled with shame and burden. His vision was blinded from the tears and excessive rubbing. And yet, he kept trying to stop the tears especially in Minghao’s presence.

Suddenly, warmth enveloped his crouched form. His breath hitched. Minghao’s thin arms were around him, holding Jun tightly like a lock. His hand went on to rub Jun’s back and shoulder soothingly, all without a single word spoken. This wasn’t what he expected from someone as reserve as him and yet here they are, close enough to hear and feel each other’s breath. He shut his own sight and listened closely; his heart loudly drummed in a rhythm. The silence around them felt strong, and the soft voice he loves to hear came to life.

“Junhui,” Minghao pulled him closer until his chin rested on a shoulder. He whispered with comfort,

“It’s okay, just let it out.”

Just like that, he wailed and sobbed into Minghao’s shoulder as the latter kept giving out supportive words. For a moment, it felt like the whole world faded out. In a dark abyss, it’s just the two of them very close. Being hugged tightly by Minghao wasn’t something he thought would happen at all and yet it’s something he really needs.

To feel happy and content for once in his life, this moment is the first step he’d took.

The librarian kept holding Jun for some time until the sobs lessened along with his breathing calming down. Gently, he brought his limp arm to make some distance between them. His face was still wet with tears, eyes reddened and puffed up.

“I’m sorry...”

“What are you sorry for?” Minghao held the cuff of his sleeves and wiped the residue off. Jun’s cheeks faintly blushed. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Junhui.”

‘For being a fuck-up to my family, friends, everyone...’ Jun couldn’t say it all at once, only whispering, “Everything...”

They were now leaning on the bookshelf with silence trailing behind. He felt a few worried glances on him, sure that a question would appear. He was somewhat correct.

“Hey,” Minghao paused to pick up the book left on the floor, “You don’t have to tell me if you’re not uncomfortable. It’s a private matter, I can tell. But I want to know if, well... I’m worried, okay? Will you be fine?”

“Why were you crying?”

Jun took a deep breath. “I felt frustrated. A girl used me to get back with her ex and what was I supposed to be? But...”- He looked down to his palms, “I’m just a hypocrite. I didn’t like her at all, so why did I try to convince myself to do it? I’m just an idiot who used her too for my own personal gain.”

He was expecting at least a lecture or something that meant disapproval, but instead it was silence for quite a while. 

“Jun, look at me.” He obeyed, staring directly in Minghao’s deep brown eyes. Looking up, he finally noticed the librarian’s gaze, patient and possibly, loving.

“You are not an idiot.” Jun could only watch as the librarian unfolds his words all at once. “A person who did something wrong and is fully aware of it is not just an idiot, but also an asshole. Junhui, you’re not like that. I’ve only known you for maybe a month only but, I just know. You’re helpful, compassionate, you care about your friends and family.” When he noticed Jun lowering his head at every sentence, Minghao quickly added. “I truly believe in you, Jun.”

“How would you know...” Jun tried to control himself from bursting to tears again. “...that I’m not a terrible person?”

“Because you aren’t. And I know you well enough that you’re not that kind of person. You can pretend to be evil, but I’ll see through you.” He joked casually, effecting Jun who chuckled at the statement.

“Hey! I’m a fairly good actor! You haven’t seen me on stage!”

“Oh really, when?”

“... When I was 7.” It was Minghao’s turn to giggle. To Jun it was the cutest sound he ever heard from a human being, let alone a teenager. He smiled fondly at the small memory, he had been so proud and happy to be the lead. Every night he kept on practicing his lines to shake off the fear of being on stage, until it finally worked. His parents even took a picture to commemorate the event.

His smile faltered. Minghao immediately took notice of the change, prompting him to grab his shoulder as a message of some sort: ‘I am here for you.’

“About me being okay or not, I’m okay. At least for now. I don’t know how long until my... conflict will resolve.”

“This conflict of yours,” His thumb brushed gently on Jun. “Does it scare you?”

“So fucking much.” Jun muttered. “It feels too hard, but... it’s possible. I just need time, you know?”

He jumped when a hand landed on his head. Minghao gave a small smile, patting his head twice. “Don’t wait for too long. I’ll help you if you need it, young one.”

“Hey, I thought I’m the older one here!” Minghao shushed him, suddenly remembering they were still in the library and mouthed sorry. The tense air had decreased and sank down to the ground. Only two matching birds 

Jun gestured to the front part of the library, “You should go back to your shift. I’ll stick around here for a little bit longer.”

“I’m not working today.” He giggled softly.

“Really? Then why are you here-”

“I came here looking for _you_.”

Jun stared at him wide-eyed, probably for a few seconds or so before scratching his head. “O-oh...”

Minghao rolled his eyes, getting up from the floor. He took a hold of Jun’s hands and pulled him up to stand. “C’mon, let’s get ice-cream or something. We never hung out outside school before. Unless you still want to stay here alone...?”

“No, I’m following!” He quickly grabbed Minghao’s shoulders and led them out of the library.

“Junhui, wait.” Minghao turned gracefully to escape Jun’s grasp just outside the library, holding his hands and releasing them. “I left my bag out here.”

The bag laid right outside by the entrance’s wall. He took the bag and suddenly dug through the contents. Just like last time, it was another book. ‘How many books does this guy bring?’

“Is this an early birthday gift?”

“What-hell no!” His laughed echoed through his ears like a nice melody. “That book I gave you last time is too depressing, so here’s another one; don’t worry it’s a happy ending.”

Jun gazed at the cover, then synopsis and then flipped through the whole book. The eyes that had shed tears glowed differently than before. This time: it was from amazement. Respect and gratitude for this person he just met, his friend.

“I... I seriously can’t thank you enough, Minghao.”

“Anything for you, Jun.” Minghao smiled contentedly. He hugged tightly from the side, “Let’s get out of here.”

“Wait my eyes are not red right?”

“It’s fine, we’ll walk there quickly if you don’t want anyone to see. My friend recommended me this nice cafe...”

He didn’t bring it up, but Jun knew that he was rambling to distract him from overthinking. That fact was enough to make him feel better despite everything that messed up in his head and reality. But just for one day, he wants to forget about it.

Just for one day, he wants to be himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry, I almost forgot to upload this chapter ;-; Starting from next week, the updates might not be consistent because I actually have an inportant exam this year. But I'll try my best to finish this!
> 
> These days I haven't been feeling good about myself. I wish everyone to stay happy and safe wherever you are. See you next week <3


	8. Biology and Attraction

A week after the incident, everything was mostly back to normal.

Junhui received messages from both Soonyoung and Wonwoo. It was worrying enough to see your best friend run off after an outburst without an explanation. He even received one from Jihoon, who he barely talked to except for the project. Every day the more interesting he’s been to Jun.

The downside of it however, is his new status.

Every day without fail, a love letter is always delivered to him either personally or secretly. His peers teased him too many times that his popularity increased ever since breaking up with Ami and becoming single again. Freshman to even a senior, they started confessing their feelings to Jun. He knows well not to let his mistakes repeat and reject bluntly, but the goodness of his heart avoided him from refusing outright; instead, he told all of them that he’ll ‘think about it’.

Slinging the heavy bag, he headed to the usual spot behind the school. There were many obstacles that blocked his way to momentary freedom, thus forcing him to learn how to dodge them. Pretend to walk back home, use different routes, do a small task to put them off... All of this effort, just to hang out with Minghao.

Thinking back on that day, it became a passing memory that shouldn’t be dwelled on. Hundreds of eyes on him, mouths leaving hushed whispers to echo in his ears. He despised the spotlight. When he was finally alone in the library, the anger washed out from his body and it added on fear, dejection. Jun knew himself well enough that he didn’t want others to see his vulnerable state, but...

When Minghao found him, hugged him and overall comforting him, it relieved a large part of the burden.

The sound of crunching dirt replaced the cold tiles of school buildings. At some point it rained, moving their meeting spot to the library though with limited words exchanged. Thankfully that day the water is mostly absorbed and dried out.

He arrived smiling ear to ear and was about to surprise the younger student. At least until Jun found him crouched up with his face buried in his knees.

“Minghao?” He went down on his knees right beside Minghao. “What are you doing?”

“Becoming one with nature...” He replied before looking up with a tired expression. Almost magical-like the sunlight rested on his glistening face the moment his face was visible.

“Whoa, you okay?” Jun patted his shoulder, earning a long sigh from Minghao.

“My midterm grades are pretty bad and if I don’t improve on it my mom will get me a tutor. And that means tuition for most of the day in a week, meaning I can’t find time to dance or indulge in my hobbies,” Minghao ranted with amazingly one shot of breath. His head went back to being covered and he continued to sulk.

“That’s alright, I can help tutor you-”

“Really!?” Jun jumped in surprised when Minghao shifted from his crouched position so quickly, their faces a small distance away. “You can seriously tutor me?”

“Yeah, of... of course! This my- this is my way of repaying you.” He stumbled over his words while not having much places to avert his eyes. Seeing the smile growing into a bigger one didn’t help how it made Jun feel happy too.

And that was how the next day came to be.

He didn’t know Minghao was this eager to get his grades up unlike the rest of his peers. Right after school, they immediately head to Minghao’s house to study Biology and help out with homework as a bonus. The librarian seemed to be excited for some reason; Jun figured it could be that he found a solution to his crisis. Minghao’s house weren’t that far from the school and they reached there in about 10 minutes.

They entered through the front gate as Minghao whipped out the house key, unlocking the door. “Come on in, make yourself at home.”

Jun looked around with curiosity upon stepping in. Minghao’s house is noticeably very tidy and organised, the magazines on the coffee table were stacked neatly and no objects that seemed out of place is seen. His nose immediately picked up a delicious scent: braised beef. He noticed the dining table on the right side had a few bowls safely covered.

Minghao disappeared into one of the rooms yet his voice was loud enough for Jun to pick up. “I told my mom yesterday that you’ll be coming today so she cooked for the both of us.”

He came out with two bowls of rice along with chopsticks and spoons, setting it gently on the table. Jun sat down and reluctantly started to eat while the other informed him that he will change first from his current school uniform. The food tasted so much like home he could’ve cried there and then, reminding him of the small world he had lived in. He hummed in delight, making sure he savoured every spoonful of food.

“Dammit where’s my shirt...?” Minghao’s low voice appeared from above where the stairs are located. Jun’s head shot up quickly and instant regret he felt. His eyes widened and he almost choked on his food from extreme shock, averting his eyes back to his food.

‘Oh my God...’

‘How’s his body this... well-built?!’

During their meetings, Jun often took note of how thin the librarian is. He replied by saying how he takes care of his health very well and even started going on with health advice (Or taking a jab at Jun’s unhealthy habits). While it’s not too noticeable, his torso does have visible muscles formed from what could only be exercise.

(Minghao suddenly seemed so much more handsome and cool now.)

Jun directed his attention back to his food, hoping that he didn’t get caught staring. His thoughts weren’t heard anyway as Minghao went straight for the dining table upon meeting eyes.

“Oh! How’s the food? It’s good, right?” Minghao asked with both of his palms on the table, looking excitedly at Jun. The latter merely nodded very quickly and gave a thumb’s up while still feeling flustered at seeing Minghao’s torso exposed.

The positive response pleased him even more until his face suddenly shifts as he squints. “Hold still...”

Jun obeyed and almost yelped when he suddenly leaned in. Without a warning, Minghao’s thumb pressed against at a corner of Jun’s lips, removing something and flicked it away. His eyes lingered on the librarian’s face when the distance became more manageable on him. He noticed a wry smile gently forming, eyes bright despite the calm expression.

“There’s some food on your mouth. Jeez, do you always eat messily?”

“H-huh? No, I don’t!” He protested, ears reddening. Minghao left the room again with his giggles trailing away for his embarrassment to increase.

Soon enough, he appeared with a shirt on (thankfully) and sat down to enjoy lunch. Other than the sounds of mouths chewing and small talks, they ate in relative silence. They quickly finished eating at the same time and Minghao insisted to wash the dishes for him. Jun quickly refused, saying how it’s just a small task he can handle by himself.

He grabbed his bag and followed Minghao upstairs to his room, located through the door farthest from the railings. The bedroom was quite spacious compared to Jun’s. He noticed the abundance of vibrant and unique clothes hung up in the opened closet, quite a surprise when he entered the room.

Something on the wall captured his eyes immediately from the start: a lonely square painting presented on the wall.

“Did...you paint this?” Jun asked whilst staring at the artwork. He believes it’s an abstract style of painting, although he wasn’t knowledgeable with art in the first place.

Minghao’s head turned from facing the desk to look at him. “Oh yeah, I did that myself. It wasn’t for art class or anything; I just really enjoy painting.”

The background was as dark as a cave, but the space had been filled with splotches of colours so it didn’t feel like it lacked anything. It reminded him of fireworks with how colourful and vibrant the colours were in contrast to the empty space. But what completed a picture is something so simple, a flower in white beside the fireworks. He’s amazed how a high-school student can be this talented.

“Minghao, I can’t believe I’m friends with you.”

“Eh, what’s that supposed to mean?” A puzzled look formed on Minghao’s face.

“You’re like, good at everything! You read a lot, which means your language skills is good. The painting proves you’re super artistic with really good senses. Didn’t you say before that you did martial arts?” Jun exclaimed a bit too loudly, hands waving around. “You are perfect in every way!”

“That- You’re exaggerating. I just have a lot of hobbies...” Minghao’s ears and face turned red after the rant. ‘That was rare’, the older one realised. It wasn’t as if Jun hadn’t seen him embarrassed before (When they first met, for example), from their meetups he learned that Minghao is usually extremely collected.

He stepped away from the painting and closer to the junior to give him a small pat on the shoulder. “Are you sure you need my help studying though?” Jun laughed.

“I’m very sure. Come on, the quicker the better.” Minghao shoved him into the direction of the desk, his textbook was already open. Their hair blew softly from the fan above. A beautiful day awaits them outside, but instead Jun didn’t mind being indoors if Minghao is.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

“...and that’s how your heart works. Any questions?”

Minghao stared at the reference book for a few seconds before looking back up to Jun, “I think I sort of get it now.”

“If there’s some parts you forgot, that’s alright. I usually explain the topic to myself in the mirror so that I can memorise it better. Maybe it’ll work for you too.”

“Yeah, hopefully,” He stretched his neck and long limbs. “Let’s take a break, I feel stiff.”

Jun watched as Minghao got up and flopped onto the bed and switched to sitting cross-legged. They’ve been studying for almost an hour and a half. He was really glad that the topic both of them covered is something Jun didn’t have any difficulty with, along with the fact he’s a second-year.

“Are you sure you understand? We can go through it again if you want,” He asked, closing the textbook from page 73.

“I’m very sure.” Minghao waved his arm dismissively. “Have some trust in me, okay?”

His eyesight may be bad or he’s just seeing things, but there’s a noticeable reddish mark on Minghao’s arm. The sleeves weren’t long enough to even barely cover it. He couldn’t help but feel curious how he had gotten that bruise.

“Hey, where did you get that bruise?” Jun pointed to the arm.

The librarian’s gaze went to him, then his own arm. “Oh this? I accidentally fell down the stairs.”

“The stairs?!”

“Calm down, ge. It’s not that bad really.”

Minghao got up from the bed and started pacing. He thought that the younger was perhaps looking for something that could’ve been misplaced. It dragged on for quite a while for it to be pretty noticeable. Back and forth, leaving marks on the tacky carpet in the middle of the bedroom.

It wasn’t like him to get distracted so easily. He’s thoughtful, wise, a person who knows exactly what he wants. Minghao may be a generally quiet person, but with the opportunity he’s brimming with confidence, probably more than Jun himself. Seeing the librarian like this, it’s a scene that’s too misplaced to be happening right now. 

“I know something’s on your mind.” Minghao froze at the serious tone. The view of his face is obstructed well from Jun’s, instead treated to his lean back.

“No, I don’t.”

Jun got up quickly and his hands went up to grab Minghao’s shoulders, twirling the boy to face him directly. His face shifted into surprise when eyes suddenly met with the older one.

“Hao, I- You know you can talk to me, right? I’m not forcing you to tell your whole life story but, just know I’m here for you. As a friend.” He spoke lowly, watching as Minghao’s gaze dropped down at an easy, hesitant pace.

“Why are you like this, Junhui?” Minghao sighed, focused on their feet mere centimetres away. He looked back up, smiling dazedly. “You’ve been insistent with helping me out, a lot.”

“Because I wanted to repay you?”

“All I did is give you some books to read, anyone can do that.”

“I know, but...” Jun gulped.

“Those books really did help me a lot. I enjoy reading them and what’s better than to share it with someone who feels the same way? Though, I admit before this, I wasn’t a big fan. But I feel like with reading, I’m able to see things differently, and that a lot of us are not so different. I like reading now because it helps me to relax and forget my life even for a short while.”

Only after he finished his words, he noticed Minghao struck with a stunned look. The chirping of birds filled the awkward silence left by his own words. It forced Jun to pause his thoughts and process what had the librarian speechless.

“A-ah! No wait that’s not why I- Please don’t get the wrong idea I also genuinely like hanging out with you, very much. These meeting-ups have been a lot of fun, and I can be myself around you... That’s why I said you can always talk to me-”

A snort, then followed by fits of laughter. It was Jun’s turn to be surprised, not expecting that sort of response when he basically ran his mouth about books and Minghao. Yet the positive reaction was a good sign, right?

“You’re such a weirdo,” Minghao finally let out, attempting to calm his breath. “Who would’ve thought popular guy Wen Junhui here is actually like this?”

Jun huffed, the small smile forming contradicting his true feelings. “Consider yourself lucky then. As Wen Junhui’s trusted friend.”

He released his hold on Minghao’s shoulders, suddenly feeling his palms getting sweaty and staying still became hard to do. Jun huffed out in satisfaction, watching from the window the rows of houses and a lone telephone pole. The nerves from before slowly disappeared as if it weren’t there.

“Junhui, thank you. I like hanging out with you too.” Minghao beamed, meaningful and sincere. The bright weather seemed to reflect the pleasant atmosphere within them. He checked the wall clock on the wall behind Jun, “What time are you going back?”

“Maybe around 5?”

He walked to the desk, grabbing a pencil from the opened pencil case and a small notebook. “Come on, sit here,” Minghao sat down on the bed and patted the space beside him. Jun followed curiously.

“Just now you said that you wanted to repay me. If it’s alright with you,” he tapped on the page with said pencil, “can I try drawing your face?”

“Yeah, sure thing. But why mine?” Jun questioned as Minghao’s hand went straight to work.

“Because you’re handsome.” He replied casually, eliciting a blush from Jun as he responds with a flustered ‘shut up’.

The sound of the smooth, swift strokes from the pencil was pleasant to his ears like music. His heart was only the opposite, picking up faster than usual and noticeable enough for him to worry if it’s too loud. He tries to calm down by watching the boy in front of him. Minghao’s intense focus mirrors an actual artist, he thought. A certain grace surrounds him whilst working hard to produce a decent portrait.

“Hold on, I’m almost done...”

Either Minghao is a quick artist or time went on faster than usual, he wished it was still too early to go back.

“And there you go. I hope it’s not that bad.” The younger one wrote something at the corner of the page before releasing the pencil.

“Nice! Can I see-” A knock interrupted and surprised the both of them. They looked at each other, probably with the same thought in mind. Minghao called out from where they sat, “Come in!”

The door swung open and a woman entered, clad in a formal outfit hair tied in a prim bun. At first, Jun believed that she had the aura of a strict person until she showed a polite smile that seemed familiar. It was clear who she was.

“Hi mom, when did you come back?” Minghao stood up to greet and hug his mother. It was no doubt that they were related. The proper appearance, raven hair, he must’ve taken after her more.

“I just came back. Am I interrupting anything?” She questioned, looking back and forth at Jun and her son.

“Nope, we just finished studying.” Minghao turned at Jun, who’s still sitting at the bedside, and gestured hastily for him to come. He immediately walked to them. “Ma, this is Junhui. He’s tutoring me for biology and chemistry.”

“Hello, ma’am. I’m Minghao’s friend and senior in school. Thank you for the food,” Jun introduced himself, bowing slightly as Minghao’s mother’s smile widened.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Minghao has told me a lot about you.” She nodded.

“Wait, he did?” Jun’s head shot up; mouth slightly agape. Beside him, a shoulder nudged at his arm roughly as the son feigned being offended. He responded by cheekily apologising.

“Well, it’s nice to see you two get along.” Mrs. Xu patted his son’s shoulder caringly. “Should I make some tea for you boys?”

“Ah, it’s okay! I’ll be heading home soon. Thank you, maybe next time?” Jun glimpsed at the wall clock, ten minutes more until it was time. He noticed Minghao’s smile dropped hearing what he said, as if disappointed. Mrs. Xu understood and told him that he’s always welcome to come by again.

When she left the room, the two started cleaning up, re-arranging the books and keeping back things into Jun’s bag. Minghao walked him down to the gate, the sun already setting.

“Thank you again for tutoring, Message me when you’re free next time, okay?” The librarian remarked, still looking bit down while focusing on the ground.

“Of course.” He’s thinking of what to say before leaving. It bothers him when Minghao looked really deep into his own thoughts. Who knows what he might be thinking of?

“Hey,” Jun added. “How about next time we go to my place? For tutoring or to just hang out?”

“Sure, that’d be nice.” Minghao’s grin returned and very quickly hugged Jun a bit too tight. Almost as if a switch flipped in him. “See you tomorrow!”

“Y-yeah see you...” Jun mumbled with a hand awkwardly waving away as Minghao slid back into the house.

Walking back home, he concluded that the day turned out fine. He got to talk to Minghao more, ate some good old food and even refreshed his memories on the topic they revised on. Still, his heart races just thinking of him, knowing the next day he’d be there at school. Was he that excited making a new friend or...?

...

‘It’s probably nothing,’ he shrugged of the thought and headed home, humming to a ballad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! I wrote a fic and posted it on Valentine's day so if you're interested please check it out. I'm really worried for my uploading schedule but I'll try my best to balance it out so that the updates are more frequent. Have a nice day and stay safe <3


	9. A Friend With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, it's been a while! There's a scene in this chapter that would sound better with music so once you see this star (*), you can play the music.
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/track/0srBxewcOr2jhOioEYC9fK?si=oAnLMTkARu2j2uDq5aG30A&utm_source=copy-link

“Well done, Joshua. I think you can do a presentation next meeting.” The teacher handed back the document to the dark-haired senior, giving a smile of approval.

“Thank you so much, teacher! I’ll do my best,” Joshua bowed gratefully and quickly turned to the exit. He walked through the corridors in a delightful way that’s easily seen on his face. His project is just starting its first step.

Recess started 10 minutes ago and he left to meet the teacher at once after the bell rang. Some students greet him amicably whenever crossing paths at the corridor. He still couldn’t believe how much time had passed from when he first came here, being a foreign student at all.

Joshua Hong, 3rd year. A gentle but ambitious student part of the student council. He’s had a few problems here and there settling in at first but time had been nice. He’s adapted to a new school life, made new friends and even a small following. A lot of students respect him, perhaps even more than the teachers.

Joshua stopped at his tracks upon reaching the student council room. “Guys, the teacher approved!” He excitedly burst in.

Two students sat at a table across each other. The one closest to the board had black hair, long eyelashes and a slightly muscular build; he pouted as he stared down at his notebook. Across him was a slimmer guy with deep brown hair, lazily looking up at the ceiling. The both of them jumped at the loud noise from Joshua’s entrance.

“Oh, congrats!” The black haired, Seungcheol, answered first. “You were really nervous yesterday about suggesting it, I’m glad the teacher agreed.”

“But I’m still not sure if the students will actually use it.” Jeonghan interrupted, looking at Joshua. He’s the only one sceptical among them when Joshua proposed his plan. “Also, who writes letters these days?”

Joshua sighed, “I know in this modern age people use texts and emails, but doesn’t a handwritten letter feel more special? It can be kept and cherished for a long time. It can bring friends closer and it feels good to write and receive from your best friend.” He paused, “And with the mailbox, we can help them deliver it.”

His friends looked at each other in silence, both had a questionable and addled faces. Jeonghan spoke up first, “Josh, you sound like you’re writing an essay.”

He huffed, sitting down at the nearest vacant chair. “The meeting is this Friday. I really need to do my best for everyone to see its potential.”

“And we’ll be right behind you,” Seungcheol added, flashing an attractive smile and a thumbs up. “This will work, I’m sure.”

“They’ll agree to it in a flash when the president himself agrees.” Jeonghan lazily replied, Joshua knows who he meant. Seungcheol is the current student council president of their school, a position befitting a noble leader.

“Oi, just now you thought my ideas were bad.” Joshua glared at his friend who simply snickered.

“I’m kidding, I’m helping too. Let’s go, for the students at our precious high school!”

\-------------

“I regret everything,” Jeonghan complained for the 5th time after school. They sprawled the letters all over on the wooden floor, along with boxes half-filled with more letters. The three of them were sat cross-legged at separate locations within the room.

The meeting went well, and the work was divided among the student council. Some made flyers for the letter delivery, a team worked on making the mailbox, everyone had a part to fulfil. As for the three friends, they ended up taking what was thought to be the easiest job.

“Why did this guy get so many letters?” Seungcheol examined the envelope he picked up, placing it in the box.

Joshua stretched out his back, “Who’s the lucky person?”

“Moon Junhwi. Isn’t he that transfer student?”

Junhwi is a year younger than them but his stunning looks and easy-going personality boosted his popularity in a year. He remembered watching the foreign student at the halls swarmed by girls and his friends (Are they his friends? he wasn’t sure when it seemed like Jun tried to run away from everyone)

“This is taking too long; can’t we just do it tomorrow?” Jeonghan groaned, dropping the letter from his pile.

“It’s better if we finish it today rather than wait it out.” Joshua calmly explained, walking across the room to get another box. “I’ve asked someone to help us, he should be here any time soon.”

“And who is this person?”

Just as he asked, the door slides open, revealing another male student. He’s tall, bearing a thin figure and dark-coloured hair. The student entered carefully, peering around curiously and eyes darting every part of the room. His face broke into a large smile upon seeing Joshua at the corner. 

“Seokmin! Thank you so much for coming,” he quickly stood up to greet him. Seokmin walked in albeit nervously, carefully stepping over the scattered letters.

“I’m sorry for being late, I had to help some teachers along the way!” He apologised profusely.

“No, it’s okay. We’re already grateful enough with you helping us out, especially with the number of letters there are,” Joshua reassured him, sighing at the mess.

“Lee Seokmin! I thought you had rehearsals this week,” Jeonghan happily waved as the younger teen at between Joshua and him. Seungcheol simply nodded at him politely.

“Nope, it was cancelled last minute. Then Joshua-hyung asked me if I want to help him.” He replied, grinning. “A lot of my classmates we’re talking about it, same goes for the people who wrote.”

The workload lessened and was quickly done with another pair of hands to help. Within 30 minutes, the group had successfully arranged all the letters into the respective boxes for the next team to deliver. Their arms can finally rest in peace.

Seungcheol was the first to get up, immediately stretching his back. “Finally, let’s pray the next team have it easier.”

“Huh, speaking about the letters, I think it’s alright for us to take the ones written to us. At least make their job less hard,” Joshua remarked, staring at the boxes. Before he could react Jeonghan went straight toward their classes’ box, digging through the pile for his name followed by Seokmin then Seungcheol. He watched the sight and sighed, going to his classes’ one.

“Nice, I got three!” Seokmin cheered, content despite the small amount. Joshua turned to Jeonghan, skimming through four envelopes.

“Yah, you didn’t have to write to me! We talk all the time in Discord.” He smacked Seungcheol lightly who’s laughing at Jeonghan’s (very) noticeable flustered expression. “How much did you get?”

“Hm… Seven.”

“I’m pretty sure half of it are just complaints to the student council,” Joshua joked.

\------------------------------

After carrying the boxes to the student council room, all that’s left was to clean up. Seungcheol and Jeonghan unfortunately had to leave quickly, leaving only Joshua and Seokmin. They quietly tidied up the used room, though it wasn’t awkward thankfully. Seokmin had always been a bit shy to strangers, but the senior had been helping him out since day one of coming to school, something he’s truly grateful for.

“Oh, I wanted to ask. Do you know Moon Junhwi?” Seokmin asked him as they walked back at the corridors.

“Yeah, we were talking about him before you came him. What’s up?”

“Well, it has something to do with my friend.” He grinned sheepishly, “I just realised that he’s really close with Jun-hyung. He would always mention him one way or another.”

Joshua hummed. He had talked with Junhwi a few times and does consider him as an acquaintance. He’s able to relate and understand his junior’s struggles with moving to a completely foreign country, at some point being in his shoes as that new kid from America. Fortunately, Jun seemed to be fitting in well compared from the first day.

“Why do you ask, jealous?” Joshua teased. Seokmin reacted with a delightful sounding laugh.

“I’m not! I was just a bit worried for Myungho. Jun-hyung is really popular at school and at first I thought it was weird he was hanging out with a senior, and a socially active one at that,” He admitted. “But, after that fight hyung got into with his ex, I wonder if he’s alright...”

“By the fight, you mean...” Joshua glanced at Seokmin, waiting for the confirmation of the fight that happened weeks ago. He nodded.

“I wasn’t there, but Soonyoung-hyung told me about it. How his girlfriend ditched their date and was even cheating on him! He asked me if I’ve seen him but I was at rehearsals the whole time. Hyung looked really worried... Oh, but then! During break time I wanted to buy a drink and then I saw Jun-hyung and Myungho together. They were going somewhere while talking and he didn’t look as mad as how people described him that day.” He recalled everything in one walk. They arrived at the school’s front gate and stopped.

“I know he has a lot of friends, but I do hope he isn’t bottling it all up. Maybe I should check on him just in case.” The last sentence was muttered to himself, though Seokmin seemed to wonder about something else.

“There’s one more thing actually. These days I noticed something about Myungho... there’s a- never mind.

“I’ll get going now, Joshua-hyung. I hope the mailbox will get noticed more!” He bowed to Joshua, shaking a fist to show support.

“Thanks again, you’re the best.” Joshua returned the smile, patting his junior’s back before heading back.

\------------------------

“...And that’s what I was doing!” Seokmin exclaimed a bit too cheerfully, facing Minghao, drinking strawberry milk nonchalantly. He tagged along his Chinese friend during recess like a puppy. “So, you had tuition?”

Minghao’s mouth finally broke into a smile, “Yup. Jun-hyung helped me out, I finally understood the topic.”

“He must be a really cool senior, huh?” Seokmin followed, glad just to see his friend be happy. They passed by a group of students with distressed faces, holding something akin to a sack. In their hands are letters of all sizes and decorations.

“Do you think you’ll get lots of letters today?” He asked Minghao who’d just thrown out the finished drink.

“I doubt so. Maybe one and that’s it.”

As he said that, the door beside them suddenly slid open, causing them to stop at their tracks. Seokmin noticed it was class 2-A and by the entrance revealed Jun. He didn’t don his usual chipper attitude, instead a weary expression followed with a sigh.

“Hi hyung! What’s up?” He greeted the older first and Minghao behind him made a small wave. Jun’s eyes lit up at the sight of them.

“Hey, just some bad luck on my side.” He grumbled.

“Why? What happened?” Minghao quickly asked, stepping a small step forward closer to the entrance. Inside the classroom they noticed one of his classmates with glasses approached them.

“It’s because he received the most letters in our class.” His deep voice explained, shooting a smirk at Jun who responded with a glare. That was no surprise. Girls always described Jun as their ideal type, characteristics and all. But it’s much clearer how he was getting tired from it.

“There’s no way I’m gonna go through all of it...” Jun complained as Minghao laughed at his misery. The librarian had started conversing with Jun in Chinese after that. It was like there’s an invisible circle around the both of them, separated from the rest of the world. They defenitely started joking about something before Minghao waved again at the senior, then greeting Jun’s classmate before dragging Seokmin away.

“So, what were you two talking about?” Seokmin questioned slowly, noticing that fleeting look in his friend’s eyes, filled with gaiety.

“It’s nothing.”

\--------------------

“Ahh, I hate this,” Jun groaned dramatically, staring up at the trees on the other side of the fence. Minghao, who had been reading peacefully for the pass 20 minutes or so, sat his book down turning his head to watch in amusement. As from the rumours he heard, the number of letters weren’t exaggerated.

“Congratulations for getting the most letters in this school. I have to say, 20 is a pretty big number,” He continued teasing.

“I thought they’re supposed to be friendship letters...”

“That is the real purpose, but some people just won’t understand.” Minghao patted his back twice, picking back up the book.

They began talking more often compared to the time spent with Jun being introduced to more books. They’d banter and throw remarks in between while reading, sometimes going on long until it was time to head back. Jun could be described as a loud reader, reacting audibly to whatever’s happening in the novel. It’s gotten pretty bad that Minghao sometimes had to smack his arm to keep him quiet.

Despite it all, he never felt any discomfort. And that was the most important fact. Their relationship had evolved so much, into something heart-warming.

“Say, how many letters did you get?”

“4. One from Seokmin, Mingyu and you. There’s also another one from this girl.” His heart suddenly tightens from hearing Minghao mentioning the last person.

“Think she’s into you?” He asked slowly, watching carefully at his friend’s expression. But what’s this... something that’s hard to describe? What made him care so much over something like this? He’s over with romance and finding love.

Minghao huffed, “I hope not. I’m not looking forward to... that part of my life yet.”

* “Yeah that’s cool, same here.” Jun stared at the lonely flower growing outside of the school compounds. He figured Minghao knew what he meant, being there when he found Jun in the library, a big mess on the floor.

He continued anyways, “I don’t think I’ll be able to. I need some time to myself and honestly, I’m not ready to commit myself to these things. If only I realised it sooner... maybe I can avoid it. Crying in the library and all is not what people would want to see me do.”

‘It’s not just that, too.’

“...You really had me worried that day, ge.” Minghao admitted, leaning back on the wall.

“I’m sorry about that, I-”

“No, stop, wait-” He hastily brought his hand up to cover Jun’s mouth. The words and inconsistent mumblings failed to gush out like what would normally happen. “Don’t apologise. It’s okay, nothing’s your fault.”

Along with the words, those thoughts blurred away. The static echoing in his brain went into a deep silence.

When was the last time his mind was this calm?

“I’m...got it, thank you Minghao.” Jun breathed after the hand went away, looking up at him, admiring him. His grateful smile followed, like the sun blessed him with an ethereal glow when he’s happy.

“A-as long as you’re here, I’m fine.”

Minghao’s cheeks dusted with red from that sudden compliment, mumbling out something he heard as ‘Yeah, no problem’. He couldn’t help but want to tease him more just to see where his reaction to go. But of course, their time together had to end so quickly.

Walking back home had him thinking through the day, to sort out the fun memories and must-dos. Often times, those walks are more tiring despite the distance. He didn’t want to go through it every day as if everything’s okay. They say ignorance is bliss; he ignored the rising problems and where did it lead? Him falling into more undesirable situations.

But with Minghao, that’s not it.

He has multiple friends, but Minghao is the one he’d always needed. For a man of few words, a day has never been boring with him for that head is always filled with something. Whether it’d be creative, philosophical or just plain dumb, he can share it with Jun like they’ve been friends forever.

What happened in their life that had the both of them cross paths? Two teenagers from the same background yet everything else so different, similar to the sky and ground. Somehow, it just fits. The two of them somehow click.

Walking back to the entrance with him has caused something to grow within Jun. A desire and wish to not let this moment go, to keep it forever safely in his heart. The secret meetings, small talks within the school, that day in the library... Another fear rose among these memories.

He’s afraid that one day, all of this will disappear.

“Today has been fun, see you tomorrow Jun-ge!” Minghao waved and walked away before suddenly he stopped. He turned back to face Jun with this distance, a mid-point from ‘together’ to ‘separation’. His eyes stared deeply into him, mouthing an ambiguous sentence. 

“Don’t miss out on any letter.”

He left just like that. But instead of walking away confused or calling Minghao back, Jun stood there in a daze. A small breeze blew his brown locks of hair while he’s static in deep thought. Minghao... His name is just one yet brings out so many meanings to him. The conclusion from the first day until now...

‘Minghao...’

“Don’t leave me alone with these feelings.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm finally back with chapter 9! I'm so sorry for the late update.. A lot of things happened and the stress has been getting to me. These past few weeks have been tough and I'm dealing with a lot of things. My mental health begun to suffer because of it. There are nights where I can't sleep and the increasing anxiety with school hasn't improved. But I don't want to abandon this fic, and writing has helped me through the darkest of times. Reading your comments always brings me a smile, so thank you again for sticking around this far.
> 
> Meanwhile here are some good things I have been doing while finishing up chapter 9:
> 
> \- We did digital art for my class and I think I did pretty well! For someone who is terrible at art, I think I did okay?? I had some of my friends helped me so all is fine thankfully.
> 
> \- I've been indulging with my hobbies more often to counter the mount of times i spent doing homework and studying. Also, I'm entering writing competitions both within and outside of school so hopefully I can do good!
> 
> \- I called my best friend from Sweden more often now. He's been a special friend and is someone I can comfortably cry and share my worries to. Without him, I'm not sure if I can go on happily.
> 
> Also, thank you to my friend Squid for suggesting the final line hehe
> 
> Everything will be alright soon enough. I wish everyone a happy life and remember to take care of yourself! Thank you for reading <3

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first time posting on ao3. I already wrote about 7 chapters in advance so I will be posting it weekly. I hope it's okay, have a nice day everyone! <3


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